


A kind of magic

by Nefar1a



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fantasy, Fluff, Friendship, Love, M/M, Magic, Politics, Post-Apocalypse, Self-Doubt, University, Utopia, War
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2019-01-20
Packaged: 2019-09-05 07:47:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 17
Words: 24,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16806424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nefar1a/pseuds/Nefar1a
Summary: What can a little spark of magic do?What if it is not the right kind of magic? Is there right? Or wrong?How can one choose if the decision means changing ones life? Or the life of many? How can Yuuri choose?How can he know the consequences?Family? Love? Honour? Justice?How to find peace in times of war?How to calm yourself, find your strength if everything else is a swirling storm?





	1. A new chapter begins

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Celestialmaiden](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celestialmaiden/gifts).



> Coming on december 2nd.
> 
> Sooo this is it O.O  
> My first fanfiction published... and my second fanfiction I wrote at all. I hope that my Secret Santa will like it (and maybe one or two others =).) I hope that anyone will read it ^^.  
> Since I am not a native english speaker I hope that you forgive typos and grammar mistakes (I still hope that there aren't many left and everything is understandable).  
> I'll be pleased for every critic and comment.  
> Since I am not sure about the number of chapters (I think 23 so updates every day til christmas if everything works out) it's not set yet.  
> I'll add tags while I go if I missed something.  
> Mature for safety.
> 
> Written as a gift for Celestialmaiden as our discord secret santa <3

“Oh my goodness.” It was the only thing still on his mind, everything else was simply blown away. He stared at the huge building in front of him and felt like never again being able to move. Not even an inch. In fact it wasn't only one building. It were three. Three huge towers soaring up to the sky. He knew them. They had been there his entire life just a few miles away from his home but yet untouchable. He had never been this near. The spires had always been there, sometimes visible, sometimes hiding behind the clouds, behind the dust, the rain.

The frontage was so bright, it almost hurt him in the eye. He wasn't even sure if it was some kind of masonry he had never seen before or just pure glass. But either way he couldn't tear his eyes away from it. He was finally here... His family knew, he would get there sooner or later, they were so proud of him. But he was more than unsure. He had that huge feeling, he didn't belong here.

The buildings were connected on the bottom and several bridges both roofed and hypethral linked the towers, that seemed to swirl around each other, confusing the mind of the one looking at them for too long.

“They... are... so... high”, stumbled Yuuri, while he felt his stomach drop. Nervousness climbed trough his veins, making his stomach hurt and him feel sick. Normally he'd get all jittery but he still couldn't move a finger.

“They are 1033 foot tall, the one you can see right in front of you is the highest, it is 1036 foot”, answered Phichit unasked. “And if you want to know, they weren't build at the same time. This one is the latest. It was built to extend the school, when more students came from all over the country. The other two towers are 50 years older than this one, they were built...”

“Oh Phichit, just shut up already!”, Yuuri stopped his best friend, who looked up from his tablet, the latest model. He always carried one around with him, always searching for some information in the web or tipping something.

“Oh... you... didn't wanted to know”, Phichit said slowly, then smiled. “Come on now, Yuuri. You are here finally. You knew this would happen! You should be as proud as everyone else is. You didn't even want anyone to come with you. If I'd let you, you would have even chased me away. Now come on... Go and start this new chapter of your life! You always wanted to learn how to use your abilities. Now you have the chance to, don't waste it.”

Yuuri wasn't so sure. He sighted. “Yeah... I know”, he had to admit. “But... It doesn't feel right”, he pointed out.

“You're only nervous. Now get in there. You'll see. Everything is going to be perfect.” A mischievous grin came across his face. “Aaaaand... don't forget. Maybe you'll meet _him_ ”, he teased Yuuri, whose face got instantly hot.

“Shut up”, he repeated, his voice quiet and high-pitched.

He didn't dare to look back. He didn't knew if he could make that first step, if he did so. He swallowed hard and picked up his baggage, making the first step into the shadow of the tower.

As he got near the tower, the doors swung open without the smallest noise. Yuuri stepped inside and while he set foot in the building, the doors closed behind him. He found himself surrounded by silence. He stood in a huge entry-hall. It appeared rather sterile at him, who was used to work on the fields, used to dirt and earth. His family had never been one of the rich ones but they never had to worry about having enough to eat and drink.

He looked around slowly. The floor was made out of grey marble, his footsteps echoed loud from the naked walls around him as he went on. He could see two corridors leading away from the entry-hall. From his viewpoint it seemed as if they shaped the outline of the tower.

He hesitated unsure of where to go until he could hear voices approaching. A group of students came by, chattering and laughing. They wore the black and white uniform of the school. The uniform he himself was about to get.

Yuuri was still thinking about which way to take, as a woman showed up. The second he wondered where she came from, he recognized a hidden door closing. “Yuuri Katsuki? Please follow me. We awaited you. I am Miss Sleight.” She gave him a friendly smile. “I am here for the new students. So if there is any problem, feel free to come to me. My office is right here.” She pointed back at the wall, the door again hidden, then turned around.

Yuuri followed her slowly only to notice a touchpad hidden in the wall. Miss Sleight touched it and the door once again opened. Yuuri entered right behind her. This door too shut without a sound. He wasn't used to that. His family's home never had much technological equipment.

“We are glad we can call another young and talented spirit our student. First of all here is your timetable, lessons will start tomorrow at eight, breakfast is served at seven. I will show you to your room.”

Yuuri was still looking around noticing three modern white armchairs around a small table in one corner of the room. On one other side stood a big desk with many files on it, the walls seemed to be blank but he was rather sure that behind them more doors and cupboards were hidden.

He still thought about the office as Miss Sleight was already leaving the room again, gesturing him to follow her. She carried a few pages and a folder in her hands. “So please come with me.” She handed him a piece of paper while going out of her office. Still a little bit overwhelmed Yuuri followed her.

They took the right corridor. The one the students before were coming from. “We are entering the third tower now. This is where the living rooms are. They are sorted by classes. So you will move with the years. The first year students are living in the lower levels while the upper years live in the upper levels. In the lowest floors you will find some common-rooms. You'll get used to everything very fast.”

Yuuri still followed her in silence. He looked back to the other corridor wondering where that might lead him. “Oh. That way takes you to the classrooms and offices. It is the second tower”, she explained without waiting for his question.

“But... what is in the first tower then?”, he wondered not noticing he spoke out aloud.

Miss Sleight smirked. “You'll see.”

Yuuri needed to hurry up since she hadn't stopped walking. He glanced around. The walls were even and white. Some small paintings of famous members of the university and a few high politicians were the only thing coloured. Yuuri couldn't help but feel a bit lost as they entered a small room. One wall was made of glass. Yuuri could see the street outside of the tower. He wandered what material this might be out of since there was no way to look in from the outside.

As he was still wondering doors again closed behind them. Suddenly a slight hitch seized the room. Yuuri felt his stomach drop and found himself clinging to the wall as the room began to move upwards. He needed a second to realize that this must be a kind of elevator. He has never been in one... And he didn't like the feeling. He wished himself to some good old stairs.

The people on the forecourt were getting smaller as they crept higher and higher. Yuuri straightened himself. Maybe he could see his home if they got high enough? Something familiar? But their ride stopped before they could reach the rooftops. Again he felt his stomach drop.

The doors opened without a sound, Miss Sleight tripped out of the elevator, Yuuri followed her, his steps a bit unsure until he got back his balance. The walls still looked the same but this time they passed doors to their right and left side. Small numbers appeared on the tablet next to it when they got near it.

Miss Sleight stopped in front of one of it. The number showed '329'. She turned to Yuuri and smiled friendly. “So this is your room. You can open the door by simply touching that tablet with your right hand. Your key-number is 4688.”

Yuuri nodded even if he didn't understood what that meant. “I need your fingerprints so we can officially make you a student of this university.” She opened that folder she took with her, which was extremely flat. Yuuri wondered why and got the answer at the exact same second. As it was opened, the folder started to send out a small light. It was another tablet. Everything here was high-tech and digital. Yuuri laid his hand on the tablet, that scanned it immediately. Now there was no going back.

“Thank you. Now you can use your fingerprints as the key to every door you are allowed to open. Please. Try it.”

Yuuri reached out his hand and touched the tablet next to his room, the door swung open. He wasn't sure if he would ever get used to those quiet doors.

Miss Sleight handed him a piece of paper. His timetable. “That's it for now. Feel free to come to me if there is any problem. I'll leave you alone so you can unpack your things.” And with those words she was already gone. He was alone.

Yuuri entered the room that would be his now. He couldn't help but feel lost. There were no windows, no lamps. But still he startled at one wall, that showed exactly the view he had from his window back home. It was all some high-tech-stuff he didn't understand. He was pretty sure he could change that picture into whatever he wanted. Phichit told him about that one day. Yuuri just didn't know how it worked.

The furniture was modest but there was everything he needed. A bed in one corner, a desk, a few open cupboards. He was sure they would disappear if he closed them like the door behind him. There was another open door behind which Yuuri found a small bathroom with a toilet, a shower, a sink and again an open cupboard.

Yuuri dropped his baggage and threw himself on that bed. He winced as a sharp edge bored into his shoulder. He felt for it and found another tablet. It was one of the kind Phichit always carried around with him.

As he touched the display his best friend's face was being shown.

“Hey Yuuri. I hope everything is going well so far. Please don't kill me the next time you see me. But this is a present for you. If you aren't allowed to get out of those towers I need a way to communicate with you at least. And I thought this would be useful for you. So just accept it and text me.” The display got black again.

Yuuri sighted. He had no chance to give the tablet back to Phichit and he was sure his friend knew that far too well. He could never accept such an expensive gift. But this way... he had no choice. And at least it felt good to know that even if he was all alone in here he could still text his best friend.


	2. The first time

He didn't sleep well that first night. He didn't know what was waiting for him. Since he had lived at a farm he was used to getting up early. Getting ready for his first day felt strange. He had known for so long that one day he would be here. But still he wasn't sure how to deal with it now that it had happened.

He found his way to the great hall where breakfast was served. The students were eating and chatting, some still sleepy others already wide awake. Yuuri took a plate and helped himself to some food. There were many things he had never seen before directly next to some familiar things like eggs and bread, honey and milk. His family never had a cow but their neighbours did. So in exchange for some honey they got some milk.

Yuuri carried his full plate and looked through the room to find himself a place to sit. There were many tables for four students, some of them pulled together to create space for bigger groups. Since he didn't knew anyone he decided to take a seat at an empty table.

He ate silently. It all tasted really good even if he didn't know the names of the dishes he tried. Some were sweet others were savoury. It didn't take long until he was noticed. One student came over. He seemed to be young, maybe his age. Short red hair protruded in every direction.

The boy smiled friendly. “Hi. You must be the new one. We've heard that someone would arrive. I'm Robin, you can call me Rob.” He sat down next to him putting down his plate on the table.

Yuuri smiled back grateful that someone else made that first awkward step. “I arrived yesterday. I'm Yuuri nice to meet you”, he answered.

Rob's smile got even larger. “Cool. Did you have a long way?”, he asked while eating, so his words were hard to understand.

Yuuri shook his head. “Actually I've been living just outside the city. My parents have a farm there”, he explained. He missed them. He was only gone for one day but he already missed his home, his family. He got quiet.

Rob didn't seem to notice. He just started to talk and Yuuri wasn't sure weather or not he would ever stop. But it didn't bother him. He was actually rather happy about it. This way he got to know some things while having time to dwell on his own thoughts.

Rob stayed at his side guiding him to the classroom of his first lesson. Yuuri was nervous. He felt his stomach roaring, his knees felt weak. This was the actual start of his new life. What if he couldn't get along with the other students? What if he screwed everything up? His parents were so proud of him. He didn't want to disappoint them.

He set foot in the room accompanied by Rob's everlasting grin encouraging him. The room went quiet as he entered. Everyone looked at him making him blush slightly.

“So you must be our new student. Don't you want to introduce yourself?”

Yuury resisted the urge to shake his head. No he didn't want to. “Eh... so... ehm. Hi... I... I am... Yuuri... Katsuki...” He stuttered. He felt his cheeks get even hotter and looked down to the floor. A clean, light grey tiled floor.

“It is okay, Yuuri. You don't need to be nervous. We all went through this 'beeing new'”, the teacher said. She seemed to be a lovely woman, small but chubby. Her smile felt like his grandma was looking at him. But she still seemed to be someone able to do what has to be done. She really reminded him of his grandma. The fact that this first lesson was all about magic plants only strengthened that. His grandma too had worked on that farm her whole life. He only knew her with some earth and dirt stuck under her fingernails.

“Please take a seat. Just try to follow the lesson. If there is a problem you can come to me in the end. I'll help you to catch up if you need that.” Yuuri nodded and looked around the room. He found a free seat next to Rob who was already waving at him.

So... this first step was done. The lesson started. He smiled. He already knew that plant. It was one they farmed every year. Taking this class would be easy... but Yuuri was afraid not every class would be like that...

It didn't take long for him to get to know the other students of his class. They all seemed to be friendly and incorporated him. But there was one question that made him feel sick, that made his stomach drop with nervousness. He didn't quite know what to answer. Should he tell them? What did they expect?

In the afternoon they had their first practical lesson. Yuuri had actually hoped that there was more time for him to prepare. But there was none. Rob showed him the way to the training area. So this was the secret behind the so called first tower even if that one was the latest one. Every floor, every hall was built for practical training.

“It is unbelievable!”, raved Rob as they made their way to the training. “Some of them look like you were in a wood, the next one is like a desert or a deserted city. I haven't been to them. Actually the first years all only go to the normal boring training halls. But still... I've heard the older ones talk... I can't wait until we get there!”

Yuuri swallowed hard. He could wait. He could wait for much longer to even start this first training.

“Come on, Yuuri! This will be amazing! You'll see. You don't have to worry. We all are learning how to use our abilities, how to control them. That is exactly why we aren't allowed to leave the towers. It is way to dangerous if we can't control our power completely.”

Yuuri followed Rob to the changing room. They had to wear special training suits. For security. He had found one in the closet in his room. After they changed they went into a hall that looked like a simple gym. But he knew that even in here everything was high-tech.

“I've got to known that we have a new student with us”, the teacher started. He seemed to be quite young but his eyes made him look ageless.

“He also trains us in the basic fighting skills”, whispered Rob right next to him.

Yuuri sighted. Everyone else seemed to be excited. They loved this training.

He had to calm down. This was what he was here for. This was what he wanted to learn. Controlling his strength. Using his powers. The lesson started.

“It is no problem if you take your time and just watch. I'll come to you in a few minutes”, the teacher told him with a nice smile. But still his heart started to pound painfully in his chest.

So he stood there and watched. He watched his new classmates get together in pairs standing in front of each other a few steps apart. He could feel the energy in the air that rose. It made his skin prickle and his hackles raise. A part of him wanted to join them, wanted to feel that strength he knew he carried in him.

But something held back that feeling like heavy chains around his ankles chaining him to the ground while all he wanted was spreading his wings and fly. But did he really wanted to fly?

He watched as his classmates prepared. They got a few instructions, then they started to train with each other. One created a little ball of power in his hands and threw it to the other one who had to catch it. They threw it back and forth until all of the power was gone and the ball that got smaller and smaller then disappeared. Afterwards they started again.

The teacher – Mister Leroy – approached him and Rob who still stood at his side.

“Have you ever used your magic by fault?”, he asked.

Yuuri nodded. A small, insecure nod. “Once. When I was a child.”

His magic. That one thing that divided him from everyone else. Except the students and teachers at this university. That one thing that got him here. If he wanted or not. It wasn't a decision he could have made. It was destiny.

“Do you remember it?”

Yuuri nodded again a slight smile appearing on his face. Yes he remembered.

“Do you have any idea, what caused that incident? You have to go into yourself. Close your eyes if you have to. Our magic is strongly linked to our emotions. If you don't train, you won't be able to control it. But it is necessary that you are able to do so. You could destroy the whole city otherwise”, he explained. Yuuri again nodded. He knew that. He knew that this was why they weren't allowed to leave. And still he was afraid. What if that magic broke out? What if he hurt anybody? What if he destroyed something?

And still... He knew what this university was for. The students here were trained to become fighters. To become the best soldiers the country had. To fight in the war and save their home. Again he felt like he totally didn't belong here.

“There is an easy way to get your magic to show up. You will react instinctively. Don't worry, Yuuri. I am here to control whatever might happen. Do you trust me?”

Yuuri glanced at his new friend. Rob just smiled eagerly and curious.

“I... I think so”, he murmured. Did he had another choice?

He did not really now what happened next. The first second he stood there wondering what would happen next... the next second he opened his eyes and found himself lying on the ground looking into Mister Leroy's eyes who stood there, bent over him.

Yuuri blinked in confusion. “What... what happened?”, he managed to ask. His throat felt rough, his head numb, his back ached.

“It is okay”, his teacher said calmingly. “Take your time Yuuri.”

Rob grinned at him – as always. His grin maybe a bit brighter then usual. “That was awesome!”, he burst out. “Your power must be so strong! You simply blew that attack away!”

Yuuri didn't understand a word. “What... what attack?”, he wanted to know.

“I attacked you with a small ball of power that is actually not able to really harm you”, Mister Leroy explained, “It is the easiest way to lure your power. This is the fastest way to activate it. It is as if your magic stays asleep when you are a child, waiting under the surface for a chance to break out. Listen to your inner voice. Can you feel it?”

Yuuri closed his eyes and as the light pinging of his ears vanished he recognized something else. A soft pulsation that came from within him and that didn't feel like his heartbeat. Too steady, always there... but out of reach. As he tried to concentrate on it the feeling disappeared.

“Yes”, he said, his voice shaking from the awe of that new discovery. “But... I... can't really reach it.” He was afraid. What if it was all gone now? What if he could never find it again? Feel it again? His eyes got bigger.

“Don't worry. That is totally normal, Yuuri. All you need is some training. I am sure you will learn it quick. All it takes is that one moment. And after that it will be as easy as breathing.”

He seemed to be so sure about this that Yuuri instantly felt better. He calmed down a bit, concentrated on his breathing to not fall into a panic attack. As easy as breathing... But right now he had to strongly concentrate on that. Slowly. Breathing in... breathing out...

Now many of his classmates were excited to meet him. All they were talking about was the way he managed that attack earlier. That second he didn't even remember himself. 

But they did. All of them. They told him that when that ball of power – a similar one like the one he saw them training with – got near him, when it was about to touch him, it simply exploded and turned into mere light. Rob interrupted them and said, they all got blinded, he insisted that he thought he had lost his eyesight. Others swore they felt a warmth on their skin. Yuuri thought that all of them – especially Rob – overdramatized what had happened. 

But still he was a bit scared. He didn't want to destroy... he didn't want to fight... What if they found out? What if he wasn't able to do as they expect? Was it possible to be thrown out of the university? But he  _ had _ magic in him. That was sure. 

He was still surrounded by some of his classmates – Rob wouldn't stop talking and Yuuri wasn't sure if he would stop ever again – as they made their way to the dinning hall. It was the same one in which they had breakfast in the morning. They could see many students sitting and chatting while having dinner. The different classes had lunch to different times of the day to stagger the crush but breakfast- and dinnertimes were the same for everyone. Right now it wasn't crowded at all. “I always try to come to dinner at this time. It normally isn't crowded then”, explained Rob as he went to the counter where they could get their food.

Yuuri needed a few minutes to decide what he should take. Again he didn't know everything that was there. He ended up trying something new. Something Rob recommended. They sat down and started to eat and for once Rob remained silent.

Another group of students came into the room, passing by their table. Yuuri looked up. And then looked back down as fast as he could. He felt his heart race and his breath getting stuck in his throat. Luckily he didn't try to swallow something. 

He heard the footsteps moving on finding their way to the counter. Slowly he looked back up. Did he notice? So this was the first time he saw him for real.  _ That _ magician.  _ The _ face of the university. He was the best. He had always been. Victor Nikiforov. 

He searched for him finding him laughing, a plate with food in his hands. What was it he had chosen? Nothing he knew. Yuuri needed to try that. He was not to be overlooked. His hair was long and silver tied up into a pony-tail, a flick of hair falling into his face and covering his left eye. He knew they had a light blue-green colour. A colour more beautiful than anything he had ever seen before. Phichit showed him some close-up pictures on his device. They used to watch some videos of him Phichit found online.

Phichit was the first one he told about his abilities. And since then Phichit tried to gain information about it, about the university. So soon they got to know about Victor. He already defeated the best students as he was a first-year-student. Now he was said to be even better then Mister Leroy and all the other teachers.

Yuuri watched the older students fascinated. He was here. In the same hall. “If you want, we can go and watch them fighting after dinner”, Rob told him. Yuuri blushed. Rob grinned. “They always train after the dinner before curfew.” Yuuri nodded. “I... I'd love to”, he managed to say somehow. He would watch him... In real. Not at the other side of a screen. But right there in the same gym.

After finishing their dinner they went to the training-area together. His classmates surrounding him raving about Victor's fighting skills. How they would love to be like him someday. To beat him someday. To fight like him. To have as much strength as him... All they said was about fighting... But Yuuri was fascinated because of something totally different...

They reached a training-hall where they could watch the one training from a huge gallery secured by thick glass. Or what seemed to be glass. He didn't knew for sure. “And... you can just sit here and watch them?”, he asked insecure.

He reaped laughter. “Of course you can!”, a girl called Hannah said. “If they did not want to be watched they could have chosen another hall.”

Yuuri pulled up his shoulders. So it was okay to watch. He craned his neck, to be able to see more. The students entered the hall and Yuuri recognized one at Victors side. Christophe Giacometti, Victor's training partner. 

They laughed and joked while warming up with some easy moves. At least they seemed to be easy done by them. Yuuri couldn't avert his eyes.

He watched Victor swirl around when they finally started to train. Christophe was the one letting targets appear anywhere in the hall, attacking Victor themselves. He whirled around, mincing back and fourth, staying out of reach of the enemies appearing right in front of him. He destroyed them with a fascinating beautiful elegance and precision that left Yuuri speechless. He hated fighting... But he felt like he could watch Victor fight for the rest of his life and being happy with that. It almost seemed like he was simply dancing around if it wasn't for those shattered targets he left behind, those splinters of energy flying through the air and hailing down on them.

“Yuuri? Yuuri?” It took him a moment to realize it was his name Rob used.

“Ehm... yeah?”

He encountered a wide grin. “It is time for us to go. Curfew begins in a few minutes since we are first-years.”

Yuuri nodded but couldn't resist to throw back a last look to Victor down in the hall before following Rob outside.

“By the way what is your room-number?”, his new friend wanted to know. “Mine is 326.”

“What a coincidence. Mine is 329.” It felt good to know that someone was there right around the corner. Someone in his new life he was slowly getting to know better. 

“That's great! I'll surely come to visit you. We could play some video games together!”

“That sounds cool.” Yuuri had played video games with Phichit a few times but they did not stay at Phichit's home very often. Yuuri hesitated before he asked. “Ehm... could... could you maybe explain all those technologies to me?”

Rob showed a big smile. “Of course... let's go!”


	3. A power for destruction

_Yuuri was now seven years old. He ran around the great field his mother was currently working on. She replanted some of the bigger plants. They were Yuuri's favourites. Dark-green slim leaves with little, white, star-shaped flowers. He ran over the field laughing, jumping over the rows of plants carefully to not hurt one of it. He had never done. No matter how fast he ran._

_He saw the butterfly he had been chasing. It landed on one of those flowers. Yuuri carefully got closer leaning over it. He reached out his hand and was finally able to touch it. As he did the butterfly vanished, disappeared in a small burst of light. Some small sparks scattered. One landed on the tip of Yuuri's nose staying there for a while before it extinguished. It left behind a warm feeling. Yuuri was amazed, his eyes full of wonders. He let out a small laugh. What a beautiful butterfly that had been. And what a pity that it disappeared. He would have loved to play with it._

_He sat down next to that plant where a few sparks still were to be seen. They clinged on the leaves and made the flowers appear even brighter. Again Yuuri reached out his hand curious. As he did so an exact same version of that plant appeared on the palm of his hand. The light it contained of tickled a bit. Yuuri could feel a small warmth in his right hand and arm._

_He watched how the flowers went adrift and ascended into the air. He rejoiced and concentrated on the flowers. He realized surprised that he was the one directing them. His grin got bigger. He created more of them, watched them dancing in the air. As they flew away he chased them, dancing around and with them. His overhappy laugh echoed far beyond the field._

Time flew by so fast. He could have never imagined. Yuuri got good friends with Rob and a few others of his classmates. But still he was looking for solitude every now and then. The feeling that he didn't belong here stayed. He tried, he really did. He wanted to learn so much, he wanted to gain control over his magic. But not like this.

He learned so many things so much theory. But in those practical fighting classes... He was about to loose hope. He absolutely didn't want to fight! Mister Leroy told him he should take his time, get to know his own power.

But every time he watched his classmates fight he knew that he didn't want to be like that. He didn't want to hurt anyone. That simply wasn't him.

He tried to educe his magic. It was hard since he had never done it before. Mister Leroy helped him, told him how he could try to do so. But he also explained to him that everyone had to find their own way. And Yuuri wasn't sure if he would ever find a way for himself if he tried it in those ways the others told him. Standing in a hall with students training their fighting skills, training their magic in order to use them to destroy, maybe to even kill.

So he did what he had to do. He broke the rules. It was strictly forbidden to even try to use magic outside of the training area. They were allowed to train in that little free time they had. But only in those areas and only under supervision. They were first-years. It was too dangerous. They could wound themselves or others. But all those students _wanted_ their magic to hurt, to destroy in the end... Yuuri didn't.

So he broke the rules. He locked himself up in his room and tried to got a hold on his magic. He tried to find out what his key was. How he could free his real strength. But he failed. Again and again and again. Nothing happened. Nothing at all.

And then one day he had enough of it. What if this was the all wrong way? He took the things he had learnt and tried to find a completely different way. He changed everything he had tried so far. Instead of concentrating on the magic he knew that was inside him he concentrated on himself. Instead if finding some anger and heat to push his power, to challenge it, he calmed down. He closed his eyes and relaxed, concentrated on his breathing until he could hear his heart beating slowly.

Only then he felt for his magic. He could feel a gentle warmth within him slowly moving through his body. He jumpily clutched at it. In the second he reached it a small explosion killed all of his concentration. His eyes went wide in shock and he saw that the small picture in its frame that had been standing on his bedside table was simply gone. All that remained was some ash on the shelf and a thin wisp of somke that scattered in his room to leave nothing behind than the smell of something burnt. 

Yuuri swallowed hard. Maybe the rules were right. Maybe he shouldn't try to use his magic all on his own. He was so shocked that he didn't dare to try again for the next few days.

He tried to use his new knowledge in the next training lesson but he failed. He couldn't find that warmth. It seemed almost like it had never been there at all. That evening he skipped dinner to find solitude in his room. He was frustrated and even chatting with Phichit couldn't cheer him up.

Phichit always wanted to know everything that happened. And he always wanted to know if Yuuri again had seen Victor. That question made Yuuri blush every time. Yes of course he had. He always looked out for him. At every breakfast, every lunch, every dinner. And every time he saw that silver hair, that bright heart-shaped smile, those beautiful bluish-green eyes he didn't know how to do what he had been doing, how to think, how to breath. He didn't know weather or not he wanted to simply disappear for no one to be seen or if he should wish that Victor would notice him. Which he didn't. And never would. Why should Victor, the great and perfect Victor Nikiforov, even  _see_ him? A little first-year that wasn't even able to create the simplest ball of energy. 

Yuuri was about to give up. He was frustrated and nothing seemed to work. He stared at the ceiling and wished he could be at home. In the arms of his family where he belonged. On the farm. Not in the city in those towers that stood for fighting and making something out of him he wasn't. And he never would be.

A quiet 'Ping' got his attention. He took his tablet and looked at the new message. It wasn't from Phichit. His face lightened up. That was impossible! His family could never afford such a thing! But that was it. A picture from his family. All of them sitting in the living room, smiling at the camera.  _We are so proud of you, Yuuri. We are sure you are doing great. Phichit gifted us one of these modern things to stay in contact with you. He didn't accept a 'no'. And now we are glad we took it. How is it going? How are you? Are they nice to you there? We know you must have a lot of work to do. Maybe you could send a quick answer if you find enough time? We love you._

Yuuri's eyes filled with tears as he read that. He had to admit that he loved Phichit. But... what should he text back? He couldn't tell them how he really felt. He couldn't say that he didn't belong there. They were so proud of him. He couldn't destroy that. But he couldn't lie either.

He sat there thinking about a possible answer for ages. At last he decided to keep it short. He felt somehow guilty while telling them that he was fine and his classmates nice. That he got friends with Rob and used to living here. He missed them, missed them so much. His heart ached. He stared at that picture they sent him and wished he could be there. At his home. In the arms of his family.

He took a deep breath and put away his tablet. He closed his eyes and again concentrated on his breathing. He could do it! He tried to relax. As soon as he got there he could feel the warmth of his magic again. A small smile appeared on his face. As he tried to slowly reach out for that power an image crossed his mind. That explosion, that ash that was the only thing remaining from that picture.

Yuuri was ripped out from his concentration. He lost his inner peace and again his magic was nowhere to be found. But he swore to try it again. He was no one to give up that easily. He opened his eyes and looked at that blank space on his bedside table. His stomach was in knots. What would happen the next time?

The next time he destroyed a lightbulb. His room got all dark. He didn't dare to move. He was still sitting on his bed shaking.

“Yuuri! Is everything okay? What happened? I heard an explosion!” It was Rob.

“I... I am... alright.” It took him some time to answer his voice quiet and wobbling. He got to the door with weak knees and opened it.

“You're sure? Wow... why is it so dark in here?”

“I... I don't know... I tried to text my family and.... than...” He shrugged his shoulders. He felt bad about lying. But what should he do? Tell the truth? That would get him into even more trouble!

Rob sighted over-dramatically. “This technology at this floor sucks. I swear the higher classes have way better rooms! Come on. We'll call the caretaker. He needs to fix this. I guess we'll have a sleepover then!” He grinned.

One day later his room was fixed. He somehow destroyed the whole power system in his rooms. He was unsure if he should go and try again. What if the next time he destroyed something else? Something important? He could hurt himself. Or worse! Someone else! There was a reason this was forbidden!

But he couldn't not try again. He had to. It took him some time to calm down to be able to feel the magic again. He needed a few attempts before he dared to try touching it again. Maybe if he'd do it even slower, even more careful. There had to be a way...

So he tried again. This time no explosion followed. Nothing happened. Yuuri opened his eyes and smiled. He could still feel the warmth in his body but he pulled back. He should take things slowly.

He blinked a few times. Something was different. He groaned. Oh no. His walls were completely white. No picture shown. And again someone knocked on his door.

“Yuuri? Is it your electricity again? I don't have power anymore.” It was his neighbour. A girl named Sarah. Yuuri closed his eyes.

“I... am not sure... My walls are all blank”, he answered while getting to the door. This time he didn't kill only his own room... He shut down the whole floor...

The caretaker didn't understand what was going on, Yuuri was asked repeatedly if he used magic. He needed to lie. He felt horrible. And he got scared. What if it was true? What if this magic was only good for destroying? What if it was impossible to use it for anything else? At least for him? Everything he tried ended up with a huge mess. And he wasn't sure if he could get away with it another time.

He tried it one more time. And again he failed. A new accident. This time he got hurt. As he had tried to reach his magic, his power discharged at the palm of his hand. He could see a lightning behind his closed eyes then he felt the burning. The palm of his hand was red and hurt like hell.

It was hard to conceal that incident. And every day when he thought about the magic he could feel the burning. It was impossible. It was a wild raging power. Made for destruction. Nothing else. The flowers in his memory were the innocent strength of a child. But now he was a man. His strength had grown. And it wasn't innocuous anymore. There was no possible way to not use it in order to hurt and destroy. It was naturally evil. _He_ was naturally evil. And it was the only right thing to lock him up and train him to be a weapon.


	4. Magic incidents

Yuuri wasn't sure how to deal with his latest insight. He stayed silent the whole day and not even Rob's teasing allusion that they could go watch Victor train could cheer him up or make him blush as usual.

“Are you okay Yuuri? I don't like the way you behave. Are you ill? Maybe I should get you to the infirmary.” Rob thought out loud.

“No... everything is alright.” Yuuri tried to insist but even in his own ears those words seemed to be hollow.

Rob didn't answer but his sharp look was enough.

They were on their way to the training area for their practical classes. Yuuri still wasn't able to use his magic in class. Or maybe he did not want to. He wasn't too sure himself. He would become a weapon. A soldier. He would destroy and learn to kill.

He closed his eyes and took a few deep breathes. It got easier. He could feel the magic inside him. Pulsating and waiting for him to reach it. But he did not want to. He did not want to fight.

“Yuuri... Are you sure that there is nothing?” Mister Leroy asked him. Worry in his eyes, his brow furrowed.

Yuuri swallowed hard. “Yeah”, he lied again. And again. And again.

Some of his classmates started to make fun of him. They laughed and said he wasn't a magician at all. There was no magic in him, no power, no strength. He should go home back to that dirty work he used to do.

That was the first time he got angry. No one was allowed to make fun of his family, his home.

“Shut up” Rob interrupted them. “You have no idea of what he is capable to do! He could kill you all at an instant if he wanted to!”

They got in a fight. And that fight escalated as the leader of that group – Kendrick – lost control over his magic. In the blink of an eye he formed a huge ball of energy probably able to get a whole house exploded. And that ball of energy was dashing right towards Rob.

Yuuri let out a horrified scream. And again the world around him got all black.

No one dared to make fun of him again. Whispers followed Yuuri through the hallways. Not only the first-years talked about him. He knew it. And he wished he could simply disappear or at least become invisible. It had happened again. Mister Leroy had no chance to interact. Yuuri's magic had been faster. It discharged and made that ball of Kendrick explode into splits of light raining down on them like stars. Unable to hurt anyone. Leaving behind a warm and gentle feeling when touching skin. Yuuri had lost consciousness but Mister Leroy told him this was pretty normal. Still Yuuri did not feel 'normal'. Was he different?

He was told that his teachers already had a meeting about him. They were unsure weather to keep him at the university. What to do with him. They couldn't let him out of the towers but how should they keep him in the class if he was unable to use his magic? How should they teach him?

It was an information Rob had found out. He had overheard a conversation between two of their teachers. But now things had changed again. He _was_ powerful. The only question was how to use that power. And how to teach him.

That incident cleared Yuuri's mind. He knew now for sure he mustn't give up. Maybe he was different. Maybe his magic was not all about destroying but about protecting and caring as well. He just needed to figure out how it worked. And he needed to hide that. He needed to fit in. At least try to...

So he decided to play along. He hated the thought of training how to fight. But there was no way to get around that. Not if he wanted to stay and learn. And more. He couldn't bring shame over his family. They were so proud! Even if it meant fighting, doing what he hated to do.

Magicians were part of the high society. Eminent and influential. The ability to use magic was a rare gift. The country needed good magicians to fight in the war to protect the country. So good magicians were highly respected. Like Victor Nikiforov. They could easily interfere in the politics. Their opinion was highly esteemed.

Yuuri continued to try using his magic in his own way. He wasn't too sure of what he did or tried to do. He could only hope that no more accidents would happen. He did not know what to tell anyone anymore. And he hated all those lies. They would find out if he wasn't careful enough.

He wasn't sure weather or not he should try to train right now. His mind was distracted. A small smile lied on his lips. He had watched Victor train again. And Victor did look up. He saw him! Yuuri's heart started to race.

'He didn't care', he tried to tell himself. He was just some stupid first-year. It was only a coincidence that he looked up. Nothing special. Just looking around the training-area noticing that there were some other younger students watching. As always... But still... Yuuri wished that he'd noticed it was him. And on the other side... He did not want Victor to know he watched.

Now he was sitting on his bed and that damn smile just wouldn't go away. Yuuri took a deep breath trying to calm down his heartbeat. He needed to calm down in order to reach that magic inside him. He closed his eyes and tried to shove away all his thoughts.

And there it was. That little spark, that small warmth. He could feel the power softly pulsing through his veins, through his whole self. Carefully he reached out and touched it, that smile still on his face.

He opened his eyes as he saw a small light behind his closed eyelids. A small spark of light in the dark just in front of him. It hovered in the air at the same hight as his chest. It softly enlightened his room with a warm white-yellow light.

He did it! He made it! Proud and relief filled his heart. A soft laughter escaped him. And he lost his concentration. His clear mind once again filled with pictures. What would Victor say if he could see that? That he made it? That he controlled his magic for the first time?

That little spark changed as he lost concentration, lost his control over his magic. He tried to keep it but it felt like sand running through his hands. As Yuuri still feared that his power would once again destroy something, he could only watch as that spark turned into a little flame of light.

It didn't move. It didn't destroy. Yuuri reached out his hand to touch it and all he felt was a soft warmth as the flame flickered around his fingers. It was not as hot as the fire they were supposed to create to fight. It was only a soft tickle on his skin, warm and caring. And while he was still wondering it formed the shape of a little star-shaped flower that was all to well known to him. It lifted up to the ceiling slowly dancing in big circles. As the image of Victors smile faded from his mind the flower extinguished and the room turned back to darkness.


	5. School's life

It was all clear to him now. He would stay and learn at all costs. Even if that meant he had to fight. But he would never give up that chance. He got new hope and new energy he could sap from. He wasn't all bad. His magic wasn't. He could learn how to use it without destroying something.

But as he got sure of this another problem occurred. He noticed it in those practical classes. He was able to create a small spark, a small flame. Not as bright as the one in his room though. Maybe he could create it as bright and big as he did then. But he didn't even try. He did not _want_ it to be huge and bright. He just wanted to pass the class. And he swore to himself that he wouldn't use more power then needed. No one should see it. It was his decision. He did not need good grades. Maybe he could reach them if he tried. But he did not want to be powerful. He did not want to be a great fighter.

And the truth was... he wasn't. He was not a good fighter at all! Even if he tried he felt that his displeasure held back his power. He couldn't fight with all his might even if he wanted to. Because deep within him he hated it. If he tried to use his magic to fight it felt like his power was locked up inside of him. And he wasn't sure how he could reach it. Or if he wanted to find out anyway.

He tried not to listen to the things his classmates said. It seemed to him that they were confused too. About his magical outbreaks. And now this. Him not being able to fight properly. Him creating small little flames that weren't even hot.

Yuuri really tried to not care about all of that. But the truth was that he did listen to it. Was he weak? Would he be able to completely control his magic? Was it a weakness that he could not use his magic to fight? Was it necessary to do so? And was _Victor_ too talking about him? Did he care? Did he even knew he was there? Did he hear those rumours? Did he think Yuuri was weak?

Every time that thought appeared on his mind he felt himself get numb, his magic disappearing into the distance where he could never reach it again. Yuuri always tried to put that thought aside. Victor most likely didn't know he existed.

Rob was always there for him. He believed in him. He always said he'd get used to it. He would be the best fighter this university ever taught. And then he always teased him by adding that he would be even better then Victor... and laughing about him insisting that no one could ever be better then him while his cheeks turned into a bright red.

One time Yuuri innocently asked his teacher if there was any other way to use their magic. The answer was harsh and unambiguously. There was no other way. Fighting was all they could do, all they had to learn. Their powers were made to settle the war to protect their country. Wasn't it a heroic thing to do? Wasn't it what he wanted? Save his family, his friends, all citizen?

They clearly would never want to hear a word of what Yuuri thought. What he wanted to learn. But was fighting really the way to achieve peace? How could that possibly work?

Yuuri learnt many different things in the different classes. Their teachers taught them about the war. Yuuri knew that his country was fighting in a war but he didn't know the exact reasons. Only that there was no other way. His homeland was in war with the other countries around them. It was hard to keep up the borders they had, to not loose any ground. That's why they needed good magicians, good fighters. The best ones. They had to win or at least not loose that war if they wanted to survive in this world. It was a never-ending story about rare resources. They needed the land to harvest and to be able to keep livestock to nourish the population. And they needed to fight for those fountains of clear water. Water. The most important and hardest fought over resource.

There were more things they fought over like some special metals they needed for their technologies. But water was the fountain of life. Yuuri didn't even want to imagine a world where they had to live in constant thirst. Not enough water for the plants and animals meaning not enough food for everyone... But how was life in the other countries? While everyone else wanted to train their fighting skills even more Yuuri thought about the inhabitants of the other countries. Was there not enough water? Did they starve? Could his own country save water and help? Was there anything _he_ could do?

He also had potion-class. He was really excited about that wondering what kind of potions they would learn to brew. He had never known that there were such things like magic potions. If there were potions for everything why weren't they sold or used to help healing ill people?

He soon learned why. He should have known. Most of them were poison. Things to use in war. Only a few of them were potions to heal and gather strength or getting back the energy they used for their magic. Yuuri was fond of learning more about them. He was sure that there were more ways to use potions.

The ingredients for the potions were quite different. Some were plants, leaves, blossoms, fruits or roots with different effects. There were so many different plants he knew from his home, Yuuri was certain that there had to be more ways to use them.

That was how he also got to know more about the plants his family cultivated. They were one of the most powerful plants. Using the blossoms they could brew the best potion to both get back energy and healing wounds, even neutralizing poison. Because the plant itself was one of the deadliest. Using the leaves they could brew one of the deadliest poisons.

Yuuri wondered if those were the only options. He couldn't believe that. Was there no way to use the rest of the plant? To use it differently? Maybe not those extremes?


	6. History and Today

_It was the times of burning forests, burning cities, burning skies. Fires explosions. It was a war not to be won. By anyone. Everyone was meant to loose. The fever was the first to occur. It was the first sign... The death came second. But at the time humanity realized that this new fast spreading disease was not just a small infection like some cold but a deadly virus it was already too late. Tourism and travelling, fast transportation of goods all over the world had already spread the virus too fast, too far. Cities were razed, nations fell. Politics failed. Terror rose. And with all that angst came the war. Nations fought against each other blaming each other instead of working together. To the time a cure was found the fightings got even worse. Humanity was almost destroyed._

_What followed were times of cold. The smell of cold ashes lied in the air of empty streets. Broken windows in long lost houses. A layer of dirt laying on everything. In between everything was a deep all-surrounding silence. Loneliness. And now as the storm was gone the few that were left came to notice what had happened. This could have been the end of the whole of humanity. Of this whole world._

_They gathered in small camps trying to survive. The war had ended but the destruction had been too much for the environment to ever be able to recover. Slowly humanity rose again only to notice that the consequences of the war were unbearable. The natural resources were gone. Most of the earth's water resources were irreversible destroyed. Poisoned with toxic substances and radioactive metals._

_New nations were born and rose. Shining with new technologies and inventions. Things were forgotten, only a few kept the knowledge of the past written down in books that got too old to be remembered in times where no one used paper to write on. Life got easy again. But slowly as the population of the nations grew an old problem came back to the minds of those few people... Knowing that the resources were rare new conflicts occurred. A new reason for another war. A war that was meant to last for ages..._

One of those families that had access to the libraries of the old times were the Chulanonts. They grew into a family of high respect and great influence. Since the beginning of the new times – the times of the upswing – they had their place in high society and politics.

Phichit's father too was a high politician, even one of the highest. He was one of the few who had their finger in every pie, in every great decision that was made. He was an honoured man proud of his family's history and estate and endeavoured to maintain it. He raised his son strict but with love.

Phichit and Yuuri came to know each other while playing in the streets of the city while both of their parents were going on errands. Since then nothing could part them.

Phichit's father didn't like the friendship between his son and the farmer boy too much but he accepted it for his son's happiness. As soon as he got to know that Yuuri carried the power of a magician in him he changed his mind and approved the friend of his son.

Because of his father's rank Phichit was always highly informed about nearly everything that was going on. He has always been very curious and loved both gaining more knowledge and searching for information and sharing that knowledge. Sometimes even if someone didn't want to know as Yuuri got to experience firsthand more then once. But Yuuri was more then glad to be able to call him his best friend. Now more then ever.

His life at university went on. He had lessons the whole day starting early in the morning and continuing till late in the evening. When the classes finally ended Yuuri was glad if he could just go to bed and felt asleep instantly.

There was absolutely no time for his own secret training. But he felt that need to learn more about this side of him. About what he thought was the true nature of his magic, of himself. He made another decision. Since he was way too tired in the evening to do more training he needed another plan... So he choose to skip lunch and use their break at lunchtime for his own studies. Sneaking out was hard but not impossible. Still he decided not to take the risk of going back to his own room but to seclude himself in a small corner of the inner courtyard.

Time flew by and Yuuri became a master of sneaking out of the dinning room to follow his heart and hopes. Day after day he tried to reach his powers, to control his magic. Step by step. Always afraid that sometime someone would catch him. He knew that this could be the end of his stay at the university. He knew that the punishments for breaking the rules were harsh. And necessary as he had experienced firsthand.

This one time was different. This one time was that fateful one time. While Yuuri was deeply concentrated on his magic a figure emerged from the shadows and stepped into the light and into Yuuris view.


	7. Something new

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was so afraid of writing from Victor's point of view for so long but as I did it then I noticed that I fell in love with it. So you'll probably see more of that, if you're still following this story.

Victor Nikiforov was more than just a highly respected student of the university for magicians. He was the showpiece of the school, the best fighter. Since his first year he had been the best student in his year, in his second year he defeated all of the students of the other years. And now he was even better then most of his teachers.

Everyone was looking up to him, loving him, some of them envying him. It was a fame he had been working for his whole life. And he still had to. He was eager to get even better, train harder, reach higher goals. So training was basically everything in his life. Training, his classes, more training in the free time. Sometimes studying. But lately something else was there. His best friend Chris was his training partner but one of the newest students was a close friend of him too. A friend who was like a brother to him.

Yuri Plisetski was accepted to the university. Figuring out that Yuri too had magical skills was the best Victor could imagine. They spent a few of their childhood years together since their parents were close friends.

Victor's family had always belonged to the high society, his parents both politicians. So the expectations of him had always been high. But Victor was used to a strict upbringing and rough training.

He knew Yuri since he was born. His own parents never had much time for him so soon he got his own Nanny. The one that later was the Nanny of Yuri too. Both of them were homeschooled and had the same teachers. Victor could remember spending ages to help Yuri learn his first numbers while he was young. Yuri had been stubborn and seen no use in it. And now Victor could watch him do his first fights. He was doing great, beating most of his classmates.

Victor himself never had any problems with his classes and of course not with his practical training. He loved what he did, he enjoyed the power in him, the feeling of controlling the magic, forming it and using it for the sake of the whole country.

His parents did what they could to help the people so he had to do all he could. And that meant he would need to be the best fighter so he could protect both the other magicians and all of the inhabitants of his country by securing the borders and taking down as many of the enemy's magicians as possible.

But sometimes it felt like that wasn't enough. Sometimes there was a feeling deep inside of him. A feeling that something was missing. He tried to get rid of it by training even harder, getting a better and better fighter. But sometimes when it was dark and silence put a blanket over everything, when he was in bed and sleep just didn't want to come there again was that tiny whisper. It was not enough. And it would never be enough. If only he would know what that one missing thing was...

As he got older he got more and more aware of that whole within him. A unrest grew in him and he started to use some of his free time. Not to train. But to wander around the university alone. Hoping he would be able to find what was missing.

It was a hopeless endeavour. It didn't seem right. And the more time passed the more he was bothered by that feeling of not being complete. Of missing something of great importance. A part of him...

Today something was different. He knew. Or at least he hoped. It was during lunch break when he just couldn't stand all that giggling and chatting around him anymore. So he got up with some blind excuse and started one of his restless routes around the university.

He was lost deep in his own thoughts so he didn't notice that specific change until it hit him in the face... literally... He stumbled a few steps backwards after what felt to be a small electric schock. He could still feel a warm touch on his forehead but it didn't hurt.

He blinked a few times in confusion. What had that been? Some kind of magic? It was strictly forbidden to use magic in the hallways! He looked around to find the source of what he thought to be magic.

His eyes got wide with surprise. What was that?! It couldn't be? It was nothing like anything he had ever seen before. Something flew through the air. Some sort of light. Like a small little spot of light. And it came towards him. Not straight but moving up and down and back up again. As it got nearer he could finally recognize what it was.

The strange movements were the flatter of a butterfly. It would have been even strange to see a real butterfly inside these walls but this one was even more nothing that _should_ be here. It probably shouldn't exist _at all_. This butterfly was so surely of magical origin as all these doors were using highest technologies.

But it did not feel wrong at all. In fact it was the most fascinating thing he had ever seen. As the butterfly danced around in the air just in front of his face he could see tiny legs and antennae, even different shades of light. Because that was what it was made of. Pure light. A warm golden tone of light.

Victor let out a finger of his own magic as if he wanted to explore an enemy's magic to be able to counter it in the most efficient way. It felt warm and soft. Not like anything he had ever felt before. Like the touch on his forehead. It wasn't meant to hurt anyone not even spy on anything. It felt like it was made for... for  _comforting_ .

Victor was still dwelling on his thoughts. But that was it. That was what it felt like even if he couldn't believe it. And while he was still wondering what this was supposed to mean, the butterfly danced around one more round and than disappeared. The light was gone. And there was nothing that showed that it had ever existed. Not even the slightest trace of magic as he was used to feel in the training-area where all those fighting-magic always left behind a small hint in the air. But here... nothing... Nothing but a feeling deep inside him. A fascination. A hope.


	8. Yuuri Katsuki

Victor felt that hope grow into curiosity and desire. A deep desire to get to know more about that magic he saw. On that day this one butterfly had been the only thing he found. He searched for an origin, for someone who did this magic. But he found nothing and had to give up the search in order to not be too late for his next lesson. He had to run through the whole university to be in time.

And this was the first day he could not concentrate on his magic. The first day where he lost a training-fight against his training partner and best friend Chris. And Chris for sure would never let him forget that even if there was an apprehensive look on his face.

Since then Victor hoped to find a sign of that specific magic again. He wandered around more often, even cancelled one of his private training lessons. He searched the whole university and swore to not give up until he had found the origin of that butterfly.

His search was rewarded. He found more. It may not have been the exact thing he wanted but it was more then he had found before. It was  _something_ . It was another light. One day another butterfly. One day a beautiful flower. He felt his heart grief for more, nearly bursting with joy when he found another soft and small figure of light, fascinating with all those little details.

Then one day at the time of another lunch-break he found him. He found the man that was able to form kindness and light, warmth and joy with his magic.

He stood there in a lonely corner of the garden of the university. A man younger and a bit smaller than him. He had messy black hair and the sweetest smile he had ever seen. His eyes were closed the palms of his hands facing skywards. As he opened his eyes another small figure appeared just above his right hand.

Victor draw back to not be seen but he didn't think this man would notice anyone. He seemed to be so far away Victor was surprised that he was part of this world. And in one second he was sure about so many things. He could watch that man using his magic for ages. He thought that  _using_ was not even the right word to describe what he saw. For something so beautiful and kind.

And for this moment, this moment when another flower of light touched his hand he felt whole. That hole inside him was gone like it had never been there at all. Instead he felt a warmth growing in his heart filling it with bliss.

And something more. He wanted to know more. He wanted to know who that man was and how it was possible to shape magic in that way. To make someone feel joy and warmth like the hug of a mother, like coming home on a rainy day, home to a loving family.

Victor started to search for that man. He noticed him in the hall when they had breakfast or dinner. But never at lunchtime. Maybe that man sneaked out every day at that time? It was one of the first-years. So he would be in the same year as Yuri.

A smile appeared on his face. Maybe he could ask his friend who that was. But should he really do that? What reason should he name if Yuri asked why he wanted to know about that one? And he knew Yuri. Yuri _would_ ask. Or he would simply say, that he didn't knew that guy at all and that he didn't care.

Victor let out a small sigh and stood up. He wanted to go and see if he could find this man again. Maybe if he was lucky he would be in the same place as the last time... Maybe he used that place as his small save haven to train there. No one came by there. Not at lunchtime. So it was actually a good choice.

He _was_ lucky. He found him at the exact same place. His smile got bigger as he again watched him, trying his best to not be noticed by the younger one. He closely surveyed the face of the man and noticed something. He had seen him before. In the training hall. This man had been there several times watching him train in the evening. Lately he hadn't showed up again... And that was why... Because he trained on his own. He had no time to watch him...

Victor thought about the Pros and Cons for ages. What would Yuri thought of him if he showed interest in a first-year? And on the other hand he had heard some rumours. That the new one – and he was pretty sure it was his new one they were talking about – had some incredible skills.

And Victor would never doubt that. But he didn't think that they had seen _these_ incredible skills. Those skills that he got addicted to watch. That magic that had absolutely nothing to do with anything this university taught its students. The teachers would not like the way this man used his magic. All they wanted their students to do was fight. Like Victor did. That man was well-advised training those skills in secret...

But Victor got so curious. So he did it. He just asked. Just like this. And while he was still panicking inside, his outside was cool and unazed as always.

“That new guy everyone is talking about. I've seen him watch my training with Chris. Do you know him?” And that's it. Simple as that... There was no way back now.

Yuri looked up bored. He was eating his dinner while at the same time scrabbling on the display of a tablet. Victor could see the rough sketches of some tigers. Yuri wanted to learn how to form his flame into the shape of a growling tiger while attacking someone. He said, he wanted his enemy to fear his power and to go down with some powerful explosion.

But somehow this reminded him of his new student. He had given him the advice to start with drawing. He needed to know every inch of the shape he wanted his power to be in. He needed to feel every inch of it. But this was just some playing around. Nothing of real matter... Or was it? Victor was not sure if he would be able to form some warm light. To use his magic for anything else then attacking.

“What? That guy?!” Yuri looked to another table. Were _he_ sat.

Victor nodded and tried to look bored too. Like if he didn't really care. Like if it wasn't _everything_ he wanted to know for ages!

But of course he couldn't fool Chris. His friend's laughter echoed in his ears. “Are you afraid? I've heard that there lays some great power in him. Are you afraid you have to pass the throne of the unbeaten prince of the university?”

Victor jumped. “Of course not!”, he gave a testy reply. “I am just curious. Everyone seems to know something about him. I think I was too busy training myself to notice...”

“Yeah... You've been busy with yourself a lot lately”, Chris answered with some probing overtone.

Yuri didn't seem to notice while Victor winced again. “Yeah... he's in my class. So yes I know him... But he's such a fail. He's never going to be able to cast a simple spell.”

The conviction in his voice made Victor wonder. “Why that? And where do the rumours come from?”

Yuri put down the electric pen. “Yuuri showed some power twice. At his first time using magic and once while someone attacked his friend. He made the attack explode. But he isn't able to do the simplest attacks himself. He had trouble forming a ball of power for so long and everyone know how easy that is!” Yuri started to concentrate on his sketches again.

Victor didn't really hear Chris teasing Yuri that they shared their names. He was lost in thoughts. He had trouble attacking? But he defended a friend? He had to admit that he couldn't imagine that this man called Yuuri would attack anyone. In his mind he was just letting his magic dance for Victor's joy.

He continued to watch Yuuri. His Yuuri. No one had ever seen him doing his magic. No one except him. And him alone. As the days passed, his Yuuri got braver. He used more power, formed different shapes at the same time. And he started to make them complexer. A small dog jumped around his Yuuri then chasing some butterflies. And Yuuri was moving along. He started to use his whole body to control his magic instead of only his hands. And soon he was dancing around the figures of light.

It was similar to Victor dancing around the training-hall while defending and attacking, making targets explode and swirling around to another enemy. He was used to this elegant forming of magic. He was sure that this combat style was something that made him as good as he was. It made it harder for anyone to reach and attack and it made it easier for him to direct his magic in unpredictable forms and lines that were not always straight attacks full of power. But then this again was something so completely different. Something so incomparable.

Victor stood there marvelling. His heart ached. More then anything he wanted to join him in this fascinating dance. He could feel that a part of this need was lead from Yuuri's magic. A magic that tempted him with these strange feelings. Feelings of hope and joy. Of home and... _of love._

Victor wasn't sure what he did. He wasn't sure if he was the one doing it. But he had no chance to change, to interfere even if he wanted to. But did he want to change the way his steps took? His feet seemed to move without his assistance. Headed by that desire in his heart, that filled emptiness within him. Like a marionette of a puppeteer he moved away from his hideout and towards Yuuri. His Yuuri...


	9. Punishment or Outlaw?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooooo back to Yuuri it is ^^  
> Maybe I'll switch back another time. I enjoy writing Victor's POV. I already have an idea for that. We'll see.

Yuuri was sure he got a heart attack. One second he was dancing with his magic and the other he saw a shadow moving. He panicked. He was sure that some teacher had found him. Maybe there was a way to take his magic away from him. He had heard rumours that this was the hardest penalty for a magician. Something only the highest ones were able to do. And it was a thing that he now knew he wouldn't survive. He felt the magic in him every time of the day. It was just a piece of him. It would be like cutting his head off.

He found himself in front of someone. A miserable squeak got out of his throat. He was caught! His worst nightmare. His worst fear... but... something was different... this someone clearly wasn't a teacher.

His eyes got even bigger and his heart that already raced faster than what was probably good for a human being got even faster. He didn't know that this was possible but it happened without him passing out.

It was _him_. He stood right in front of Victor Nikiforov. He started to stutter some useless words that had no context and made no sense at all. He wanted to say that he wasn't using magic at all. He didn't know how much of that came out of him and while he was still wondering about if Victor would understand one word, he noticed that it was more than stupid. Of course this was magic. What else should it be? The fairy queen dancing around with a dragon?

He felt his face turn red. It had never been so hot. Tears started to fill his eyes. It would be the end! He would loose everything! And to make it even worse, Victor would be the one taking it away from him. He was captured in the worst nightmare he ever had.

Victor opened his mouth. But before he could say a word, Yuuri's panicking brain escalated. He took to his heels and ran.

Yuuri came to himself when he was sitting in his room. He laid huddled on his bed and waited. Waited for someone to come and find him, taking him somewhere to get his magic ripped out of him.

He didn't know how much time had passed as the fear eased thus far so he could think again. How could that happen? Accusations came to his mind. It was his fault. And his fault alone. He should have been more careful. Maybe he should not have done anything of that at all. Or somewhere else. Somewhere where no one could have ever found him.

His cheeks were wet with tears but now there were no more tears that he could cry. They were all gone. He would loose everything. Everything of him that he had just found.

Slowly he unbent and looked through the room. It had never really felt like home. But now as he was about to loose it he noticed how much he got used to it. And that maybe – a quiet little maybe – this place had become home too somehow. This place and what it meant to him. Getting to know this main part of himself. That part that was about to be ripped out of him...

He could still try to break out and ran. That would made him a criminal, an outlaw. Maybe that was the only way he could survive... But was that really the way he wanted to be? Alive but a traitor? Wanted? There was no doubt that this was not what his family was proud of. He had always been a sincere person.

Unsure of what to do he did the first thing he could think of. He needed help. So he took his tablet and video-phoned Phichit. The one who always had his back and an answer to every question.

“Hey Yuuri. Nice to hear from you”, started his best friend before he paused. “What happened? You look awful.”

Yuuri bit his lip, he could feel more tears burn behind his eyes. “I... I... I did something terrible wrong... I've... I've told you about... my... my secret trainings”, he whispered. Of course Phichit knew. It took him some time to find enough courage to tell Phichit about his magic skills. About his difference from the others. And all Phichit did was smiling. Smiling and saying that he had always knew he was different and that he would never become a soldier like the others.

“Yeah... you did... I thought you were sure now to stay there and learn? What happened? Yuuri... you scare me.” He looked concerned.

“I... I was caught...” The words were stuck in his throat and he feared Phichit wouldn't be able to understand him but the look on his face told him differently.

“How? What... what happens now? You cried. Are the troubles _that_ big?!”

Yuuri couldn't help himself but cry once more. Sobbing he said: “I... I don't know... But what if they rip out my magic? What if the sentence for breaking the rules like this is death?” His voice was quiet for fear of that thought.

Phichit shook his head vehement. “No... No, Yuuri. Keep calm! That won't happen! I won't let it happen! I won't allow anyone to touch you. There will be a way to get you out of that! And I don't think that it is that bad. You just fooled around with your magic. Just tell them like this. Yes you trained outside of the training area. But I don't think you are the first one to do some magic tricks in secret. And they can't just kill someone because of that! Now take a deep breath, Yuuri.”

Yuuri tried to do so but the panic was still in his mind. “Maybe... I should run. I want back home!” His heart convulsed. “And... it was _him_ ”, he whispered scarcely audible.

“Wait... what?” Phichit looked more than surprised. “Victor Nikiforov caught you? What did he say?”

“Nothing”, murmured Yuuri still afraid. “I... I don't know.”

“What does this mean? 'I don't know'?”

“I... I ran away”, he admitted. He looked away abashed.

He heard a deep sigh. “You just ran away without giving him the chance to say anything at all?”

“I panicked!”, he tried to defend himself.

“What if he didn't even want to scare you away? Maybe he won't say a word to any teacher. Maybe he wanted to know what you've done?”, Phichit suggested with a slight smile to calm Yuuri down.

“Why should he?” Yuuri didn't understand.

“Maybe he had never seen anything like that before? Maybe he was just curious! You won't run away now! You don't even know what he wanted. It won't be as bad as you think it is.”

He could see Phichit turn around for a moment. When he looked back to him, he said: “I am sorry. I need to go now. Don't panic, Yuuri. It's going to be alright!”


	10. Longing

Slowly Yuuri was able to calm down. Fear still held his heart in a tight grip and made breathing nearly impossible. While he managed to shove aside the thought of fleeing, he still didn't dare to leave his room. He skipped the classes at afternoon and hid in his room the whole day. Dinner too could not get him out.

His imagination still showed the wildest stories in his head. From being kicked out of university and his magic being ripped out to everyone laughing at him because of the way he used his magic. _Victor_ laughing at him. Saying how silly he was. How weak.

As the day went on hours and hours passed without a teacher showing up at his room to tell him to come with him and bring him somewhere he could wait for his trail to be held. It had to be deep in the night already but Yuuri could not find any sleep. Restless he wallowed around and whenever he doze off he startled again because of some nightmare.

As the morning came still nothing else had happened. Did they wait for him to come out of his room? But that didn't make any sense, did it? So as his stomach angrily reminded him of the basic need of food he finally got himself together. He changed and washed the tears off his face. Yuuri took a few deep breathes and then left his room.

He was still scared like hell but he tried his best not to show it. He attended to breakfast.

“Yuuri! Are you ok? I've been worried since I couldn't find you yesterday. You've just disappeared after lunch. I came to your room but you either were not there or you didn't notice my knocking.” Rob came his way.

Yuuri wasn't even sure if he could remember a knock on his door but it made no difference. Everything seemed to be perfectly normal. Like nothing had happened at all. “I... I did not feel well. I am sorry. I didn't want to worry you.”

“But you're okay now?” Rob eyed him up. “Should I bring you to the infirmary?”

Yuuri shook his head. “No... it's better now. I feel good. Do you think missing those lessons will get me into trouble?”

“I don't think so”, he answered. “Miss Sleight asked after you and told me to get sure you're alright. But next time you should go to the doctor first or to someone else. I could have helped!”

Yuuri managed a little smile as he sat down to eat. He felt sick now, still nervous and afraid. But he was starving. While eating he couldn't stop himself from searching for that special silver hair somewhere in the crowd. Could it really be that he didn't reveal his crime?

It gave the impression that Victor didn't loose a word. Yuuri's teachers were worried about him, asking him if he was alright or needed anything. No one came to pick him up, lead him to some court.

Whenever Yuuri was in the hallways or the common-rooms he tried to find Victor before he did. He sometimes saw him from afar and all he hoped for was to stay unnoticed. Days passed and it really seemed that he once again had been lucky. He couldn't think of a reason for Victor to not telling anyone about what he saw but it looked like he didn't.

Yuuri missed his training. Missed to feel the truth of himself. This warm energy he forced into being a hot flame for fighting class. He felt the urge to train alone again but he was way too scared to do so. He could still not believe that he was that lucky. He still feared to be thrown out and worse. But as the days passed nothing happened. Life went on.

Victor had been quiet the last days. He spent much of his time thinking. He got back to training with Chris as always. But his mind was restless. He wasn't able to concentrate on his fighting. But this time it was not because of the feelings he found within him but because he lost exactly those feelings again.

He didn't know what to do. He should have never showed himself to Yuuri. Well actually he wasn't sure why he had done so. His body had moved without his assistance. And now Yuuri stopped sneaking out. He knew. Because he saw him there every lunch.

It had never been Victor's intention to scare the hell out of Yuuri. That poor man must have had a heart-attack. From the way he had looked. His face pale white, panic in his eyes. And Victor could understand. It was strictly forbidden to use magic out of the training area. And the university's teachers were rigid.

Now Victor was unsure if he should again try to speak with him. Explain to him that he would never reveal his actions. But how could he without scaring Yuuri again? And how should he explain? When he wasn't even sure himself what he wanted and why he acted the way he did?

He continued to watch Yuuri whenever he could. Every now and then at lunch-break he searched for that pretty face. And while his heart always made a little jump when he saw him, he otherwise was disappointed to see him in the hall. Because it meant he didn't sneak out again. And that portended that he could not see that magic again, feel that warmth...

The opposite happened. The cold came back. That emptiness inside him. And after tasting a bite from the warmth that could be there the cold felt even colder. It hurt like spears of ice being pushed right through his chest.

Victor became aware of a frightening fact. He got addicted to that beautiful magic of Yuuri. There was nothing he wanted more then seeing it again. Feeling it again. And watching Yuuri dance. This sweet smile on his face, the levity of his movements...

Victor felt his heart ache and winced. “Are you okay?” Of course Chris noticed. Chris noticed everything. As always.

Victor nodded. “Of course I am”, he affirmed and ignored his friend again deep in thought.

The cold empty feeling got worse every day. And he could feel something else. He was worried about Yuuri. He knew that it wasn't good to hold in ones magic. If this way of using was the true nature of Yuuri's magic, not allowing it would affect Yuuri in a bad way. And he didn't want anything to happen to him. He didn't want him to be hurt. He wanted to be there for him. To keep away every harm. Nothing and no one should ever touch him in a bad way. He was a beautiful and precious treasure that needed to be protected. And Victor was the one to do this. He wanted to be the one doing it.

Victor knew he needed to do something even if he did not know what or how. It couldn't stay the way it was right now. He needed to talk to Yuuri. Even if that thought made him somehow nervous. He was never nervous. He always stayed calm in every situation, concentrated on his next task. But not this time. Thinking of Yuuri made his heart jump, that whole in his chest hurt and him nervous.

What should he say? To not scare Yuuri again? How should he reach him? And when? Yuuri should be alone for sure. No one else should overhear any word about those magical skills. But could Victor just go down to the floor of the first years and knock on his door? He didn't even know what room was his. He could ascertain for sure but he somehow didn't want everyone to know his interest in Yuuri. There would be questions. And what should he do then?

Victor did his best to keep his eyes on Yuuri, to know where he was during lunch. He made a decision. He had to talk to him. So now all he concentrated on was trying to reach Yuuri.

It was a frustrating endeavour. Every now and then he managed to catch a glimpse at Yuuri. His black, messy hair, his sweet smile, that never was as bright as when he was dancing with his magic. That was the smile Victor wanted to see again.

But every time when he was sure to get to him, Yuuri seemed to simply disappear. Another frustrating thought came to his mind. Yuuri hid from him...

It took him ages to reach his goal. A big smile lied on his face. He saw it. This lunch Yuuri tried to sneak out of the hall again. That was his chance! Victor murmured a feeble excuse and left.

He made his way through the hall and the corridor. Would Yuuri take the same way as always? Would he really dare to do that? What if not? What if he wouldn't catch him? What if he would disappear once more? What if this was his _only_ chance? Victor did not need to think about this too much. He had been fast enough. He saw Yuuri vanish around a corner.

Victor knew the university like the back of his hand. He took a shortcut. A huge grin sneaked on his lips. He made another step around the corner and stood right in front of him. Yuuri... That big brown eyes got even bigger in surprise. That black messy hair somehow made him want to touch it. He was curious how it felt. Was is smooth or prickly?

Victor's heart jumped once again before starting to pound like he was in the midst of a training with Chris. “You can't run from me, Yuuri.”


	11. Something special

Yuuri was sure he would die instantly. His heart would just stop beating. At least his brain stopped working. There was no other explanation for his following actions. Which were doing nothing at all. He couldn't move an inch. He wanted to. He wanted to run away even if he knew that there was no way to escape this time. He was trapped. But his legs just wouldn't move.

So he stayed exactly the way he was. Staring at Victor, the feeling of pure shock in him. The repeating shock seemed to be too much for him. He got crazy. He simply lost his mind. That's the only possible explanation for the words that came out of his mouth.

“Your eyes are even more beautiful in real life.”

He was surprised by his own words. Yes those where his thoughts. But he would never, never ever, dare to say anything like that. Especially not to _Victor_! He wouldn't even dare to talk to him.

This had to be a mistake. This couldn't be happening right now. It was impossible. He got crazy. This was all happening in his mind. Hopefully...

It wasn't. Victor's eyes widened in surprise but his confidently grin turned into the sweetest smile Yuuri had ever seen. Oh no... His cheeks felt as hot as the flame of Rob that accidentally touched him in their last training.

He needed to flee! He really needed to get out of this. In a way that did not contain him just acting out a scene of dying. Yuuri wished the ground would open up and swallow him.

But no one was there to help him out. A small whimper got out of his throat. Why did he do noting? Why did Victor just stand there grinning?

“Please... don't make them kill me.” His voice was just a tiny whisper. His body now again shaking in fear. This up's and down's couldn't be good for his heart. Maybe he really would die because of all that.

This was the first time Victor moved again. But to be true Yuuri had no idea if Victor really had been silent for so long. Maybe that had been just seconds. Not hours as it seemed to him.

“I would never let anything happen to you.” The vehemence in his words made Yuuri shudder.

Yuuri couldn't understand. “Why?” It took all his courage to say that one little word aloud.

“Because those skills you have need to be protected...”

Those skills? Did he mean...? Did he really mean his magic? The way he used his magic? But that didn't make sense at all. Why should Victor – the great fighter Victor – think, his magic needed to be protected?

His face must have looked as confused as he felt. The grin on Victor's lips became another sweet smile, a friendly one. Something that still made Yuuri's heart pound like hell but at least he didn't feel like dying anymore. Can someone get used to heart-attacks?

“You ran away the last time. And I really am sorry that I frightened you. I didn't intend to.”

“You scared the hell out of me again.” Yuuri clapped his hands over his mouth. He should just shut up.

But Victor laughed. “I am also sorry for this. Please don't be afraid. You don't need to be. Not of me. I promise. Never.” Victor's empathic gaze made Yuuri look down. His words were grave. He was serious...

“So... you won't tell anyone?”, he whispered shyly.

Victor shook his head. “No one. Ever. You are my secret.” With those words he gently touched Yuuri's chin and lifted it so he had to look him in the eyes again.

He blushed once more. “Why?”, his voice again shaking. Why did Victor protect him? And why in all of the magic's name was he  _touching_ him?

Victor's fingers let go of him but he could still feel the warmth. Exactly like the warmth of his own magic. The tenderness of his magic's touch.

“Because that beauty fills my heart. It is the most wonderful thing I have ever seen. The teachers of this university would not like to hear something about this since it is not what they are teaching. It has nothing to do with fighting.”

Yuuri looked down again, ashamed. “I am a disgrace. I will never be a good fighter. You are... such... a talented magician. I will never be able to control my magic that good.”

Victor still smiled. “You will. I am sure. And you are already a great magician. Because you can do something nobody else can. You are unique, Yuuri.” Yuuri has never heard anyone say his name like that. He could almost feel the words gently caress his whole being, his soul. 

“I am nothing special”, he negated.

Victor again laughed softly. “But Yuuri. You  _are_ . Believe me. I have seen so many magicians. But I have never seen something like this. Like you. And it makes me want to see it again and again. Please. Please Yuuri allow me to watch you train.”


	12. Like a dream - part 1

Yuuri couldn't believe it. It had to be a dream. It was a fantasy in his crazy mind. It couldn't be real. Maybe he had been tortured. Maybe he had been found guilty and they already ripped out his magic. Maybe that left him insane and he only dreamed. How could he tell what was real and what wasn't?

Victor Nikiforov asked him – him the shy and ordinary Yuuri Katsuki – if he was allowed to watch him train. He did not only just ask... he pleaded...

Yuuri closed his eyes but all he could see was Victor's smile. That soft smile he wore as he touched his chin. He  _touched_ him. He probably was fantasising.

A short, repeating 'Ping' got his attention back to the here and now. He took the tablet and saw an incoming video-call from Phichit. Should he answer it? Should he tell him what had happened? Phichit would be more then worried if he didn't take the call.

“You have to tell me if I am crazy!”

“Why... should I consider you to be crazy? Well I know that somehow you _are_ crazy. Training magic alone what could be really dangerous. We saw that as you destroyed your room. But I don't think that this is an official definition of being insane. If you wait a second I can look it up and...”

“Phichit!”, Yuuri cut him short.

His best friend who had already a small tablet in his hands looked back up and smiled apologising. “Oh... sorry...” He pu aside the device. “Why do you think you are crazy now?”

“I am fantasising”, he whispered. “It has to be a fantasy. That could never happen in real life...”

“What? What is it? Damn it, Yuuri, you look like you've seen a ghost. What's wrong?”

“He caught me... Victor caught me in the hallway while I tried to sneak out again. And he asked me if he is allowed to watch my training.” And while telling this, Yuuri realized that it was no fantasy. It had happened.

Phichit blinked a few times and his jaw dropped in surprise. “He did? What did you say? Yes of course? Please tell me you didn't do something stupid. You  _have_ to tell him yes! Or I am doing it myself! I swear I'll find a way to do so.”

Yuuri squeaked. “Don't you dare!” He knew Phichit wasn't lying. He  _would_ find a way. He always did.

Now he was only laughing. “I'm just kidding. Just tell me you didn't screw it up.”

Yuuri blushed. “I... I... of course... I said yes. Am I insane? Dreaming? Did this really happen?”

Phichit grinned. “From the look on your face I'd say it was real. So... he's watching you train now? When are you gonna meet him?”

Yuuri blushed even harder. “Tomorrow”, he whispered.

He couldn't believe it. Tomorrow in the lunch-break he would sneak out again. And this time Victor Nikiforov would be following him. To watch him. This thought made his stomach cramp. He was already nervous. How should he be able to find his inner peace tomorrow to use his magic?

Yuuri felt sick. Right now he would gladly choose getting into a new class again instead of this. But on the other side... He wouldn't want it to change. It meant he would see Victor again. Victor would watch him. Victor thought his magic was  _beautiful_ .

Yuuri shivere d. Now he was here, waiting. What if he stood him up? That thought was more shocking than he'd expected. It felt like his heart ached. He wouldn't do such a thing, would he?

The fear of Victor not showing up grew in him. He shook his head. That's not the way Victor was. But his stomach still growled nervous while he waited.

There was no need for his fear. Of course Victor came. Yuuri didn't have to wait for long.

“I am sorry that I am late, I needed to get rid of Chris.” The smile on his face could be the one of an angel. Yuuri could never be angry with him.

“Oh... ehm... hi...”, he stuttered. And then blushed again because of his lack of words.

Victor simply ignored it. He sat down in the grass and continued smiling at him. “Don't you want to start? Just do it the way you always did. Imagine I wasn't even here.”

That was easier said then done. Yuuri swallowed hard and tried to focus.

As soon as he reached his magic again, his nervousness vanished. He disregarded Victor's presence. but he could still feel that he was there. It was a constant warmth at the edge of his awareness. Yuri had never felt such a thing. But instead of distracting him as he feared, it helped him relax. It was okay. Victor was there. Victor would protect him. There was no way that he could ever be caught braking the rules again. Victor would look after everything.

Yuuri felt his mind relax totally. He felt the magic inside him better than ever before. A steady warm pulsation in his body and mind. He immersed and let himself be filled with his strength, guiding it through his arm and to the palm of his right hand.

“It is so beautiful, Yuuri. Thank you.” Victor's voice was a tiny whisper. Soft and full of emotion.

Yuuri smiled and opened his eyes, still focused on that butterfly of light dancing through the air. He loved those butterflies. They reminded him of home.

He noticed that this time the light was even brighter than it used to be. It was just a slight difference but it was there. Yuuri overcame his nervousness that again appeared as he looked at Victor. He could hear his own heartbeat but he sirected the butterfly so it danced around Victor. He took his courage in both hands and the butterfly landed on Victors nose.

The famous magician smiled so bright that Yuuri's heart made a jump. He let go of his magic and watched the butterfly once again lift in the air and extinguish.

They started to meet in every lunch-break. Yuuri was still nervous every time he headed to their place. Victor didn't stay silent for too long. He started to make suggestions. Tips for Yuuri. Questions to understand what he did. He talked Yuuri into letting his magic flow through his whole body and not only his arm. Yuuri was really scared but Victor promised to be there. To protect him. He said nothing could go wrong as long as he was there. He was certain that he could cover Yuuri's magic and prevent every accident that might happen.

Yuuri let go. He felt his magic flow. For a second he feared being swallowed by the strength. He had never felt that it was that enormous. He thought he could as well be a little rowing boat lost in the storm on the open sea. Swaying back and forth between the huge waves.

He felt panic rise.

“It's okay, Yuuri. I am here. Nothing will go wrong. Breath. Slowly. In and out. You can calm down. I know it is too much. But you can make it. I am here for you. Let yourself by filled with your magic. It is your strength. It won't harm you. It is a part from you.”

Listening to Victor's calm voice helped Yuuri. He could again hear his own heartbeat but the storm inside him that was still raging wasn't swallowing him anymore. It was like he learnt to swim. To ride the waves, play along with them.

But he still feared that he was unable to keep it in. He would explode and what then? What would this outbreak destroy this time? Fear gathered. A small whimper escaped from his throat.

“Hush, Yuuri. It's okay. I am here.” He felt a tight grip on his hand. “You can handle this. I believe in you. Don't be afraid.”

“But... but I _am_ afraid”, he managed to say somehow. “I don't want to destroy anything.” He felt tears running down his cheeks. Now he told it. That he didn't belong here. This wasn't the right place for him. He wasn't a fighter.

Silence. He feared that Victor was shocked now. That he would let him down now.

“I know, Yuuri.” His voice so soft that Yuuri's tears started to fall like rain.

His magic run dry. But it wasn't the fear that calmed the storm. No. Fear made it worse...

It were Victor's arms around him.

He found himself in a gentle hug. Yuuri shivered, his knees felt week, he wasn't sure if he could stand on his own. But Victor held him.


	13. Like a dream - part 2

This one lesson pushed Yuuri's magic. Or himself to be aware of its strength. He needed quite some time to get used to that huge power and dare to try using it. More then once Victor interfered and saved him from being caught because his magic run wild. He did not want to know what would have happened if he tried something with this full power in his own room. For sure he would not have only destroyed the electrical system.

But Victor was there. He prevented anything from happening. No accidents that he couldn't handle. He gave advice how to control the magic and not to be controlled by it, not to drown in it.

Victor himself said, that it was hard for him to help Yuuri because his magic seemed to be so different from everything he knew. But still it worked.

And maybe the reason was a completely different one. Half of the things Victor told him didn't help him. But the pure thought of him being there helped. Hearing his calm voice helped more then everything else...

Yuuri soon got used to having Victor around. A thing he thought would be impossible. But his presence was calming and comforting. Still the nervousness stayed. And Yuuri was sure that nothing could ever change that. It even got worse.

Every time he thought of Victor, another, strange and unknown feeling grew in him. And with this, his magic seemed to rear up. It was scary but it didn't feel bad. It was a slight nervousness that made his stomach tingle and his heart pound faster.

And it gained more and more power with every time they met. At first he was more then afraid. But then he learnt that this strange feeling actually helped him control his magic if he allowed it.

Once Victor smuggled some food out of the dinning-hall and into the garden. He awaited Yuuri with a huge heart-shaped smile that made his heart pound and his cheeks hurt from a big grin.

“I got something for you. Well... for us.” He presented a huge plate full with treats. Most of the things Yuuri didn't know. Some of them he had tried before because he had seen them on Victor's plate.

He thought that this was the best lunch he ever had.

“As a magician it is really important to eat! Good food, nothing else”, Victor explained with a serious face.

“Is it?” Yuuri asked amazed.

“Of course.” A huge grin appeared on the older magician's lips. “It gives back our energy... and no one likes to eat bad food.” He looked in Yuuri's face who wasn't sure if Victor really meant it or was just fooling around.

Victor burst out laughing and made clear that he had been fooling around.

“You're kidding me!”, he complained.

“I would never”, Victor retorted. “It _is_ important. You need a good physical status. You need to care about your body or it will affect your magic in a bad way. You need to be healthy to concentrate on your power and control your magic. If your body is too weak your magic will too get weak. And as I just said... Nobody likes bad food.”

He urged Yuuri to try some of the small pastries he brought. “They are so good! I'd kill for them!”

“Please don't”, Yuuri said before thinking about it. Of course Victor didn't mean it that way. But Yuuri didn't like to hear those words.

Victor gave him a soft glance. “I'm sorry. So... maybe I could use your beauty to get those pastries?”, he suggested instead.

Yuuri blushed. His beauty? “You... you mean my magic's beauty”, he objected. He was not beautiful. No one has ever called him that...

Victor just smiled but he didn't answer until it was time for them to continue the training.

Some other problems occurred. Yuuri just couldn't concentrate on his classes. Every time he sat there staring at the high-tech-blackboard, which too was some kind of big screen, his mind got distracted. He thought of Victor's smile. His soft voice. Their time in the garden. Everything seemed to be perfect when they were there. No fighting. No war. Nothing to worry about. It was like a dream to him.

But back here in reality things were different. He needed to fight. They learnt their first real fighting techniques. Everyone else was keen on doing so but he wasn't. And with every time he used his magic in the way his heart desired, it got harder for him to force it to fight.

It hurt. It physically hurt. He felt the pain in the palm of his hand where he gathered the magic. The next time he felt the pain in his hand and his lower arm. With every little strength he gained the pain got worse.

He tried to not show it. But he did not dare to tell anyone. Not even Phichit or Victor. But the constant thought of what would happen if he was able to fully control his magic and use all its power followed him everywhere. Everywhere except one place. The garden when he met Victor.

Victor always came back into his mind no matter how hard he tried to keep him away. The last words he told him. The last things he did. This first hug they shared... where Victor had held him in his arms until he had calmed down.

There hadn't been another hug like that. Much to his annoyance. But Victor did touch him from time to time. Just small little things. A touch at his hand. A caress when he showed him how to easier do something. A soft nudge while correcting his movement...

Yuuri started to worry about his grades. He needed to focus! Victor wasn't everything on this world! But meeting him again was everything he wanted and everything he could think of.

That strange feeling got bigger and bigger. And Yuuri had to confess that he knew what it was. He was slowly falling in love with Victor. Well actually it wasn't slow at all. It felt more like another free fall at the speed of light but it was nothing he could change.

His lights got brighter. His lights got more colourful. Instead of only being that soft white-yellow they started to be red and orange, even purple if he wanted that. The figures he shaped got bigger and the details more precise.

And it was not only light he was able to create... Victor was right. The garden around them changed. Flowers started to grow that clearly no one had ever planted. It got harder for Victor to keep Yuuri's magic at this one tiny spot. And there was this feeling...

The first time Victor told him, Yuuri didn't believe. But then they tried to do it. Yuuri concentrated on his magic and on Victor. He stayed focused and felt his magic surround his life-long idol. No light was visible.

Victor gasped. “What did you just do?!”, he asked his voice somehow both frightened and fascinated.

Yuuri stayed focused. He showed him. He let himself be filled with his magic and his love. The love he felt for Victor. The warmth, the nervousness, the unfulfilled desire. His wish for other hugs like that first one. The aching of his heart whenever Victor wasn't around. And some other thoughts that had slowly sneaked into his mind. How would it feel to kiss Victor? To be kissed by him? Those overwhelming feelings made it nearly impossible to control his magic but on the other side they were everything that made him strong like that.

But what... what would happen if he looses control?


	14. Love and despair

Yuuri again was nervous. He was torn. He did it. He somehow controlled his magic while sitting right in front of Victor. Thinking about him. His feelings. While letting the love fill him. And now he was sure that his power wasn't only about playing with some lights. It was so much more.

He did not only show his feelings to Victor. But he woke up exactly those feelings in him. He made Victor feel love. He made him love. And that meant that he was able to control the feelings of others by using his magic.

The one second he was happy. And the other one he got scared. What if that wasn't what Victor wanted? What if everything Victor wanted was to see his magic? What if Victor did not want him at all? Why should Victor, the great Victor Nikiforov, love him?

Victor had been so fascinated. His eyes so wide and full of love. The love Yuuri made him feel. He told him. He told him while he was still under Yuuri's control. And it took some time for Yuuri to notice. He controlled Victor. The love he showed him made Victor sit there in bliss, not moving. He talked but Yuuri wasn't sure if Victor knew what he did. If it was, what that magician wanted to do.

This realisation made Yuuri recoil. He got up to his feet looking down at a Victor who shook his head in daze. He blinked a few times and the expression in his eyes changed. From spacey like he was living in a beautiful dream to the one Yuuri was used to see. Fascination, excitement. And something else... Something dark. Something, Yuuri was sure would hurt him.

He didn't want to hear those words. So he turned around and ran away. Again.

He was scared of meeting Victor again. What would happen? He was sure that this darkness he had seen in Victor's eyes was a rejection. Victor liked him, Yuuri knew that. Victor told him every now and then. Now Yuuri's heart clinged to that. Maybe he was wrong... Maybe it did not mean anything bad. Maybe he overacted. But... maybe Victor just was a kind person. And he didn't want to hurt Yuuri because he liked him. Liked him, not loved him.

Yuuri took a deep breath. He couldn't run away all the time! That wasn't him! He needed to move on. Maybe everything would have a happy ending?

The doubts filled his head. There was nothing else he could think about. He didn't remember how he survived the classes before lunch-break. It was all one dimly mess. All he could think of was meeting Victor again. And probably being rejected. Hopefully Victor would not cut off all ties. Hopefully Victor would continue to help him train. What should he do if he wouldn't?

Yuuri shook his head. No. He would not think about it! He still could think about it in case it would happen. Now he needed his mind focused. Concentrate on breathing and taking one step after the other. And not turning around and running away again.

He'd love to do so. But he forbid it. Slowly he made his way to the garden to the place where they always met. Only to find it empty. Victor wasn't there.

It wasn't a big surprise. Yuuri got here early. Earlier than usual. Victor would be here soon...

… he would come...

… he would be here soon...

… Victor would show up...

… Yuuri was sure of that...

… Victor was late... just late...

… maybe his class overran…

… he would come...

… he would be here soon...

… he would come...

He didn't.

  
  


Yuuri was alone. The lunch-break was almost over. He still hoped. He knew it was useless. Victor wouldn't show up. Victor was never late. Victor apologized about being late when he actually wasn't. But this time... This time he wouldn't apologize... This time he wouldn't come.

  
  


Yuuri sat there waiting for almost the whole afternoon. Again he skipped classes. He knew he wouldn't be able to fight anyway. And maybe, just maybe Victor would show up?

  
  


Of course he didn't. And with this realization creeping into his heart the floodgates opened up. Feelings descended upon him. He felt a cold grip around his heart, a chain around his chest that made it nearly impossible to breath. He didn't notice the tears that filled his eyes and overflowed. They ran down his cheeks and fell into the grass where those newly grown flowers hanged their heads.

He wouldn't come. He would probably never be here ever again. He would be alone. Forever.

Second came the pain. Yuuri sobbed as he felt his heart being stabbed by thousands of knives. The pain was so big he crocked and curled up. He couldn't take it. Maybe that was what dying felt like? Maybe dying would even be better? No more pain.

Third came the hate. Self-hate. Why did he had to show him this? Why didn't he do something different? He could have shown him something harmless. Like friendship. Trust... Not  _ this _ . It was  _ his _ fault. He should have known. Of course Victor would never love him! He was useless. He wasn't able to do what every magician was trained for. He was weak. He was unable to fight. Why should the greatest magician even like him? He was blessed that he took basic notice of him. And that Victor helped him train was a wonder. But he could never be content with just that. Why? Why did he want more? Something  _ that _ impossible?!

Yuuri didn't remember how he got back into his room. Maybe Rob found him and took him there. He wasn't sure. And he didn't care. He would never leave his room again...

He did not want to see Victor again. Feel his gaze across the room. Probably full of disgust.

But Rob didn't stop knocking on his door the next morning.

“I won't allow you to hide inside!”, he said. “I don't care how much time it takes. You either come out or I come in!”

Yuuri groaned but he got up. He didn't care how he looked like. But he did care about what he told Rob.

So he opened the door.

“Can't you leave me alone?”

A big grin. “No.” Just that simple word.

Another annoyed groan from Yuuri. “Why not?”

Another bigger grin. “Because you are my friend. What kind of a friend would I be to let you down when you need me? Now get dressed and we'll make it through this day!”

He had no other choice but getting dressed. And leaving the room. They missed breakfast but Rob didn't complain. And Yuuri didn't care.

Yuuri followed him slowly and in silence. His heart filled with a painful nothing. He cared about nothing. Nothing could ease the pain. The pain that raced through his body with every beat of his heart. What should he do if he saw Victor again? Maybe he would never see him again? His heart ached once more and Yuuri flinched. He couldn’t breath. No… that was impossible. He needed to see him. But could he survive watching him from afar, knowing that Victor didn’t want to meet him again?

Yuuri stopped, unable to move. He felt like he was about to collapse, but his body didn’t. No one could see the knives in his chest. No one could see the wound inside him, killing him a little more with every second. 

“Yuuri?” Rob’s voice was more than worried.

Yuuri concentrated on breathing. In and out. The pain wouldn’t go away. He meet Rob’s gaze and swallowed hard. “Sorry”, he whispered and caught up to him.

But Rob didn’t move. “Hey. I am here for you, Yuuri. I don’t care what anyone says. I don’t care if you are a good fighter or not. You are my friend.”

“A… good fighter?”, Yuuri asked confused.

Rob nodded. “Yeah. I found you in the garden yesterday. You skipped fighting class. I… Everyone can see that fighting is hard for you. And I know that you are worrying about that. Don’t listen to anything else than this. There is a great power in you. Maybe this is just not the right way for you to reach it. But we’ll find a way. I’ll help you. We can train after our regular classes.” He put his arm around Yuuri’s shoulder and smiled encouragingly. 

Yuuri somehow managed a little smile. Rob was a friend. A good one. What would he say if Yuuri told him about the way he had already found to unlock his magic?

He managed to get through the day somehow. At lunch he nearly hid behind his plate and played with his food. He wasn’t hungry at all. Only thinking about eating something made him feel sick.

He forced down some mouthful but everything else was beyond possible. There was no way to concentrate on anything. One teacher gave him a real telling-off but Yuuri didn’t really hear it. 

His heart ached. His body ached. Every movement seemed to be impossible. Every thought was Victor. How could he survive this? He wished to die, to end the pain that ate him alive from within. 

He was staring into space most of the time. But at dinner he looked up. Was Victor where he used to be?

Yuuri remembered that one time when he looked at him at dinner. Victor had looked up and smiled while Yuuri’s gaze had just found him. Yuuri tended to always look for him once. When Yuuri entered the room, when he was waiting for his dinner, when he was sitting down or when he finished and left. That time Yuuri had blushed so hard he felt the burning of his skin. 

It was an automatic habit that made Yuuri look up and gaze across the room to the place where  _ he _ always sat. Only to find it empty. He knit his brows in confusion. Victor never missed dinner. What had happened? And what if… what if his magic had hurt him?

Chris wasn’t there either. Was he with him? Should Yuuri dare to have a look in the infirmary?

He didn’t. But this gave him something to concentrate on. Something that put the pain in the rear for a moment. He needed to see him. Just a few seconds. To make sure he was alright. 

Yuuri did his best to find Victor in the next days. Fear made it impossible for him to visit the infirmary. What if he really  _ did _ hurt him?

“No… Please not”, he whispered to himself. 

He was scared and his concern grew even more as Victor remained missing. Victor never missed dinner… and Victor could always be found in the training area. Usually… But not this time… 

He gathered all his courage and entered the infirmary. Slowly and with his hands shaking he walked through it. He tried to not be too suspicious. He only needed a little hint. Just a glimpse of Victor’s hair. Only a word from Chris or Victor. But there was nothing…

Yuuri’s heart clenched. The world around him began to totter. He realized a horrible truth…

Victor was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can see I love to write someone falling in love or deeply in despair.  
> I hope you still enjoy reading this even if the story gets more serious now.  
> I'd love to keep you waiting with this nice little cliffhanger for more than just one day but it's my goal to finish this til Christmas... sooooo... we'll see ^^


	15. At the battlefield

Yuuri was worried. Was Victor really gone? Why? What did he do? Was it his fault? And what if it wasn't? There needed to be a reason for his disappearance.

He again started to look for Victor. Every breakfast, lunch, dinner. But he wasn't there. Chris was gone too... And as some time went by he realized something else... They were not the only ones missing.

Now that he had seen it he noticed it everywhere. The hallways were emptier then usual. Tables that used to be filled with other students at dinner stayed empty. Classrooms stayed empty. Rumours got aloud.

Yuuri's heart ached. And this time it wasn't because of fear and rejection. This time it was all about worry.

They had left.

They had left for the war.

To fight.

Not in a safe training area.

On the battlefield.

Victor was now fighting in real battles...

Everything changed. From one second to the other. And this time there was nothing he could do about it. It was a feeling he didn't like. A feeling he has never had before... He wasn't used to being powerless.

Victor sat in the small chamber that was his room now. He had to share it with another fighter. Gladly it was Chris. The one he had been training with his whole life. The one who was now fighting by his side.

He stared at the dirty grey wall. One second everything was good, more then good even. And the other one everything went wrong. Yuuri ran away again. Scared of him. Again. And it almost seemed like he took everything good with him.

He had wanted to follow him. To stop him from running. But Yuuri's magic had left him dizzy. He had needed a few seconds to get back up on his feet. And then Chris had been there. He had taken his arm. “Here you are! I've searched everywhere. We need to go. Now. We got orders...”

And now he was here. With no chance to tell his Yuuri to not be afraid. To never be afraid again. Maybe he would never see him again...

Fightings got worse.

Their borders got weak.

The enemy had somehow gathered more strength.

Victor felt empty inside. That whole in him was bigger then ever. He could still hear the explosions in his head. The explosions of the last short fight he had been in.

No training-fights anymore. This was real life. Where every mistake determined between life and death.

Nothing could have ever prepared him for this.

His body felt numb. He had used so much energy in the last days that he felt all dried out. He wasn't able to move an inch. And he didn't want to. What for?

He was tired. Time seemed to pass so slow. Slabby like sticky slime. The daily routine was something he got used to very fast. Morning assembly, training, breakfast, training, dinner, cleaning, sleeping. And that only if there was no battle...

But there were battles.

Victor was in the middle of one of them...

The battlefield was a large area. In it's better times it probably had been some kind of a field. But the last time this place had seen water seemed to be long ago. Now the ground was dry and dusty. He had to be careful when he moved otherwise he could easily hurt himself with one of those many sharp-edged rocks that stick out of the field. Reddish dust filled the air, whirled up by countless feet running over it.

The air rustled from all the magic that swirled around. He could feel a prickle on his skin. He stood in the middle of a battalion of simple soldiers. None of them capable of using magic. Only him. And Chris on his right side.

The magic of his best friend was so familiar to him he could recognize it out of thousands. But this time everything was damn serious.

Victor felt for the magic inside him. But all he felt was a deep dark whole. A dangerous nothing.

“Come on, Victor. We knew this would happen. We have been trained for this our entire lives.” They exchanged glances.

Chris was right. This was what he always wanted to do. Protect his home. But the whole stayed within him. Yuuri... One word, one name. Victor closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He could hear explosions near them. A new trace of magic. A new hostile magician attacking the soldiers of their battalion. And he was not alone.

“I'll take that one down. You take the other”, Victor ordered.

'That one' was strong. Victor followed the trace to it's source. It was an old magician. Someone experienced.

He felt the pain before he could sense the magic behind it. With a groan he nearly got down to his knees. He felt the concentration of that magician lying all on him. The attacks at the soldiers had stopped, allowing them to move forward once more.

Victor did his best to shut out the other mage's power that had already invaded his mind. He built up his defence. Throwing him out was harder then everyone else. He had trained that a few times.

There were only a few magicians that could not only use physical attacks but also mental ones. This was obviously one of them.

“Damn it, Victor! You're ok?”

A harsh grip on his shoulder. Victor blinked a few times. His vision cleared. He must have been unconscious for a second. He was on his knees. “Yeah... I... think so...”, he mumbled.

Looking up to Chris he realized his stiff mien. Chris was the one absorbing the attack. But Chris would never be able to hold it for too long.

The other magician already started to attack the soldiers again. Screams echoed over the field. “I told you to take that one down”, Victor insisted while getting back up on his feet.

“You needed my help”, he uttered between clenched teeth.

“You need to follow the orders!”

The pressure fell off of Chris as he stopped attacking that powerful magician and battled the other one again.

Victor's mind was all clear as he felt for his magic again. That attack had hit him hard. He could feel the loss of energy and that constant peal in his head made it harder to concentrate. He evoked his magic and started one of his dances. One attack after the other while trying to avoid getting hit by another attack from that magician. Power swirled around him and through the air. Fire and ice, wind and earth. He used the dust around him to cover his actions. He used the explosions of others to strengthen his fire-attacks. He tried to use everything he had ever learnt, every trick he knew. Because loosing this fight would be his death...


	16. Truth and Pain

Time had lost its meaning. Everything had lost its meaning. Victor was gone. Victor was fighting at the battlefield. The rumours turned out to be true. Someone had finally asked a teacher. There was nothing to do about it. Most of the older students had left to fight. But why?

Yuuri asked Phichit to get some information. Anything. Why did they had to leave all of a sudden? Victor should have stayed in university for another year. What had happened? Why did they need so many magicians all of a sudden? They had left so fast.

The teachers didn't tell them much. Either they didn't know anything themselves or they did not want the students to know. But Phichit was the best researcher Yuuri knew. And of course the information of Victor's disappearance caught his interest at an instant.

But the things he found out did not help Yuuri to calm down. Exactly the opposite happened. He got even more worried. The fightings had gotten worse. The borders were weak. Some extremely powerful magicians came to light on the side of their opponents. Loosing ground now would irreversible weaken their country. They could not allow that to happen. So the army needed more magicians to compensate the disparity of force.

Yuuri ate his heart out. He had absolutely no idea how the fightings were going. Even Phichit was unable to get exact information about that. So Yuuri didn't even know if Victor was still alive...

He shuddered at the thought of Victor's death. He didn't dare to even end that thought. But there were other questions. Would he come back? When would he come back? Or would they stay at the front forever?

Those questions filled his mind and won't let go of him. He sat there in class and even in the herbal-class he couldn't find his concentration. One time he didn't even realized that a teacher asked him something. Rob told him the right answer fast and quiet enough. Otherwise Yuuri would have gotten himself into trouble again.

His magic got weaker every day. He could feel it. What once had been a enormous fire within him was now only a small flame he could barely reach. He tried to continue sneaking out every day but even in that place in the garden, that nearly felt like home to him, he couldn't find peace.

What if Yuuri would never see him again? What then? How should he survive this university without his encouraging smile? Without his help in training? Victor, who believed in him and his magic. Who thought it was beautiful.

Yuuri blushed slightly at this thought, but his heart ached again. His chest felt like heavy chains were wound around it, inhibiting that he could breath. What if he was already dead? Killed by one of those powerful magicians?

This day was the first he wasn't able to use his magic. He could feel how much his strength had drawn back. He tried to do something simple. A small butterfly without many details. Like the one that was the first thing Victor had seen of him.

Nothing happened. Yuuri cringed. He decided to do something even easier. Not even a figure. Just a small spark of light... Nothing. Emptiness filled the whole, his magic left in him. He tried to touch his power again... But there was nothing left.

Fear almost killed him before his fighting-classes. He tried his best to keep up but he could barely create a spark of power. He could only react. Rob threw a ball of power at him and Yuuri was able to catch it, use it. He could feel Mister Leroy's stern gaze on him.

Yuuri didn't know what he would have done without Rob. Rob that covered his weakness more then once. And more then once his teachers came to him, asking him if everything was alright. But what should he say? Tell them that he missed Victor so much he could barley think? Victor who probably didn't even like him? Who only liked his magic?

So he lied. Again. He told them he had a headache. He told them he didn't feel too well. He told them he felt sick. He told them he thought he was getting a cold... He could see the worry on their faces... And the worry on Rob's face. He knew it could not go on like this forever. But he couldn't find anything to keep his motivation up. All he felt was cold and loneliness. Only darkness. No light since his light had been gone far away to fight.

“I can barely feel my magic anymore”, he confessed. They both sat on his bed and Rob wouldn't leave until he got an answer.

“I've heard of that. The teachers are right to be worried about you. That's nothing you should be so causal about. It's a serious issue for a magician to loose hold of his magic.”

Yuuri looked down and nodded. “There's only emptiness inside me...” His voice was powerless and thin.

“It started when the older ones left. I noticed. It's about Victor isn't it?”

Yuuri flinched, but he nodded. He felt unable to lie anymore. “How do you know?”

A grin even if it was only a little one, worry still in Rob's eyes. “I am not stupid. And I have eyes to see with! You sneaked out every lunch-breack... And someone special did too... You met him every day.”

Again Yuuri nodded. “I... he... he helped me train.”

A snort. “As if it was only that! Don't fool me, Yuuri. You love him! You always admired him. And I saw those sparkles in your eyes. You two are deeply in love. Of course knowing he is at the battlefield would affect your magic.”

This time Yuuri shook his head. “We... we are not in love. He doesn't even like me. It's my magic he cares about. Nothing else.”

“Yeah of course. And I'll be the next president. I said don't fool me. You don't know the way he keeps staring at you. Every... fucking... time.” He enhanced every word. “For example at dinner. He forgets to eat every now and then.”

Yuuri blushed. “He... does? Well did”, he corrected himself.

Rob smiled. “Yeah he did. And he'll do again. He'll come back, Yuuri. He's the best magician this university ever taught.”

Silence filled the room for quite some time.

“That's not the only thing, is it?”, Rob wanted to know.

“I... I don't know what you mean.”

“You do. You've always been different. You hate fighting class. You love potions and herbals. You always want to know more. Things no one else asks. Healing. Protecting. You'll never be a fighter. And your magic will never attack. I felt it. That one time I let myself hit by your magic. It didn't hurt at all. I acted. It felt warm and caring. Something meant to protect and _give_ strength instead of taking it.”

Yuuri stayed quiet. What should he say?

“He will come home, Yuuri. I think he'll do everything to get back to you.”

Everything was pain. Victor could barely think. His magic was weak. Most of his strength was gone. He had been fighting for hours now. And he didn't even know if that other magician had lost any of his strength.

That red dust filled the air and burned in his eyes and lungs. Every breath was a torture. Where did Chris go? Why wasn't he at his side anymore? He remembered hazily that Chris had to fight more then one other magician.

Explosions around him boomed out in his ears. His body trembled when the ground shook. That adversarial magician got near him. Only a few steps separated them. Now he needed to fight both with his magic and with his already weakened body.

It was a hard thing to keep up concentration while fighting physically. But he had always been good at that. Now it was time for him to proof it. To proof that he was the best.

He looked in the other one's eyes. They were brown, dark brown with a reddish shine. Yuuri... Yuuri's eyes had that beautiful colour of dark chocolate. A little smile appeared on his face. A hope. He couldn't give up now. There was something he needed to tell his little magician. Something more important then anything else.

Victor gathered all his reserves. He took the first attack of this new chapter of their fight.

They were swirling around each other, attacking with their magic in form of swords and daggers as well as pure power. Tounges of fire and lightnings. Explosions and silent, mental attacks Victor had to parry off. That was one way he couldn't use as an attack himself.  _But Yuuri could_ ... Yuuri could do something totally else. Yuuri could just make him stop. Not force him. But make him want to stop. Stop fighting. Start loving. 

Th fight went on for ages. Finally he could see that his actions weren't useless. He  _did_ hit the other one. He  _did_ weaken him. But at what cost? Could it be enough?

Yuuri... his Yuuri... his alone...

A small spark of light somewhere at his right. But it wasn't a butterfly or a caressing flame. It was the precursor from another bomb. Victor ducked and attacked the magician again.

This was it. The end. They both knew. They both were wounded and weakened. Their strength nearly gone. This was the one final strike. The one attack that would decide who would win and who would loose. Who would die.

Sweat burned in Victor's eyes together with that dust. His body hurt, his muscles protested as he tried to move. His eyes fixed on his opponent. Both of them absolutely dead still.

There was no forewarning. Maybe it was pure luck that both of them started their last attack at the same time. Victor's magic got out of control since he had never been that overexerted. He felt his power leave his body. And he knew that this was too much.

One great danger of using magic was wanting to much. Using too much power. More energy then the magician had in him. It was like ripping out the magic. It was like reverting to the last bit of strength and life that made his physical body work. It was death.

The world got black around him as his magic collided with the one of the other magician.


	17. Announcement

I am so terribly sorry that I wasn't able to fullfill my promise to finish this work til Christmas. And I am - well the less cruel part of me is - so so sorry that I left you with this cliffhanger (sorry I'm not sorry that I love cliffhangers but it really wasn't planned to leave you with this for such a long time)! I hope you can forgive me :/

Life is crazy for me right now since I am on a trip to the other end of the world - literally. I'll be back home in Februray and I promise to finish this work as soon as possible. I can guarantee that the storyline is already finished so hopefully you won't have to wait too long.

I can only hope, you'll stay with me. I'll make up for it!

See you soon


End file.
